Hobbies

One of my main dating tips for singles is to get a hobby. Not only will you expand your network (and potentially meet a date) but you'll become a more interesting person for it.

I'm forever surprised by the number of girls I meet who don't have any hobbies or interests outside of dating and their job. Whether it's a sport, a volunteer activity or a class, I'd expect a girl to have at least an interest in something.

This gives girls an extra topic to chat about, over and above their job and their childhood ("I grew up in Winnipeg..." is only exciting for so long). Pretty girls will get a guy's attention, no doubt, but keeping a guy's attention is another issue. After the first date, there's only so much small talk that can take place. Most guys have several interests, so chances are he's going to find a girl boring if she doesn't participate in any extra-curricular activities. If her schedule is wide open or she doesn't feel at least semi-passionate about anything, that just screams "plain".

So, that said, here are a list of potential interests and activities to partake in:

• A favourite band or a music venue featuring local bands
• Local sports team - get cheap tickets and check out a few games a year
• Take a class in something that interests you - photography, writing, English Lit, graphic design
• Volunteer. This is very near and dear to my heart - not only will you give back but you'll meet other community-conscious people!
• Travel - near or far this gives you a fun thing to chat about and you'll learn about yourself in the process

Looking Good

I have wavered on this as of late but I keep reminding myself how important it is to ensure I look good when I leave the house. I'm not talking about spending hours doing my make-up for a quick trip to Rabba, but you never know who you'll run into when you're out and about. I always seem to run into an ex or stand next to a hot guy on the subway when I have no make-up on and I'm wearing my worst pair of jeans. Impromptu after work drinks or last-minute dates always happen on the days I chose to forgo a shower and my hair's a greasy disaster.

I love sweat pants and I happily go out shopping in them. But from now on I'm going to ensure they're cute, flattering sweats, and not my men's size x-small from Wal-mart. Maybe it's a bit of extra mascara or some lip gloss, but when I do run into Mr. Right I want to make sure I can grab his attention - in a positive way!

Mirror Mirror...

I'm trying something new - let's call it a one-week challenge. Each time I look in the mirror, which is a lot (I have a lot of mirrors in my apartment including my kitchen backsplash), I have to smile and tell myself I'm pretty while focusing only the positive. I realize this is totally a challenge made for an adolescent but I know that I need it.
After just one evening of following these rules I already feel better about myself. No more negative self-talk or being my own toughest critic. No more picking apart how bad I look - even if my hair is messy or my stomach is especially mushy - I have to focus on the positive and smile at myself for at least a few seconds.
Feel free to make fun of me for this cheesy challenge, but I also encourage you to try it and update me on how it goes for you! I promise your confidence will increase making you feel happier and sexier!

Not My Problem

An ex of mine taught me a great lesson - he taught me to utter the phrase "It's not my problem". As rude, inconsiderate and selfish it sounds, this is something every girl should learn to say. The less liberating part of the story is that he used the words on me, when I was having a meltdown late one night.
In typical early-20-something-year-old female fashion, I had a freak-out about his commitment (never outlined or discussed prior to then) to me. Needless to say it was probably not the right conversation to be having...in the location we were in...at 3am. When I explained that I was nervous and maybe (definitely) a bit (a lot) insecure due to my recent ex's infidelities, he replied with the wonderful three words you see here. Not My Problem.
While this surprised me at first, I realized he was so right. I mean, you don't want someone you're sharing your life with to have this response to all of life's challenges, but it IS the right response to an emotional young girl who drank more than 3 cocktails that evening.
It was not his problem that I was sadly insecure and didn't realize how cool I was. It was not his problem that I spent hours of each day wondering why someone like him would date me. It was definitely not his problem that I had dated a few classic slime balls before him.
As we get older and there is SO MUCH baggage to deal with, try using this phrase and I promise you'll feel a bit more liberated. You may want to mutter it to yourself to avoid appearing like a jerk, but in my case, I respect this guy that much more for being honest and teaching me a great lesson.

Insanity

Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. If you believe he's correct, I am insane. I don't even want to think about all the times I have drank too much and started a fight or argument with someone close to me. I shudder thinking back on so many bad nights and usually try to block those memories out. My drunken frustration has been directed towards a friend or family member a few times, but more often than not it's my BF who gets the negative effects of too many gin & waters. Not only do I wake up feeling physically sick from too much alcohol, but the guilt and embarrassment I feel has a much worse and lasting impact.
I continually ruin great nights or events because too much alcohol is involved, which leads to my inner most thoughts, worries and concerns being shared with people who should probably never hear them, let alone at a bar. Worst of all, because I'm not clear-headed, I am surprised when a BF doesn't want to deal with my shenanigans.
When I'm honest with myself I realize how many relationships have been harmed beyond repair because of the drinks + big night out combination. Maybe I should stop repeatedly doing the same thing if I ever want to see a different outcome.
*Don't worry - nothing serious happened this weekend and I am still in a relationship!

Put Together

I always feel like I'm not quite put-together. When I wear a great outfit, I seem to be missing something, like a great belt or the right bra. When I dress up for a fancy event, I picture exactly how I want my outfit to look, but in reality I have a few extra bulges or the top doesn't fit quite as well as I'd hoped.
I recently went to two weddings, both at which I felt like an amateur compared to the other girls. At the first wedding, my dress went a bit too low for my strapless bra, which of course was a very bright white. I couldn't get comfortable as I had to continually peek down and ensure I was covered up. I assumed that the second wedding was going to be ultra casual since it was at a restaurant. Of course I was wrong and I spent the afternoon feeling grateful I did decide to wear a dress instead of a more relaxed outfit. However I wore tights which really dressed the outfit down, and they were a bit scrubby looking after wearing them all last winter. Also, I noticed in the bright lights of the restaurant that my shoes were scuffed. Great.
When I look around at these events, the other girls & women seem to be so put-together. Their accessories match their shoes which match their purses, their nails are expertly done and they have fresh-from-the-salon hair. And I'm not talking about some high society event - these are just ordinary women like me!
I'm trying to focus on pulling my look together from now on. I know life isn't all about looks and shallow things like great hair, but it also is not about feeling self-conscious and unhappy. I will get up earlier in the morning to blow dry my hair, and I will spend an hour a week to do my nails. I hate feeling uneasy about my looks, whether at work or in a social setting, I find that just doing a quick job on my nails or ensuring I wear the right earrings has helped tremendously already.

Negativity

I have a few friends who are great friends to vent to. We can spend hours on end complaining (mostly about work or maybe about other people), fueling each other on to get to depths of negativity (and bitchiness) that I didn't know existed. The problem with these people is that they're downers. While I like to go off about things that bother me once in a while, they seem to be perpetually set to 'Rant'. In recent months I've been making an effort to keep a positive outlook on life, especially with regards to my job. When I spend more than a few minutes with these people however, I find that I start to feel really down about things as well - it doesn't take long to get sucked in to that way of thinking! I become critical of others, pessimistic about future outlooks or find the bad in things that originally excited me. Recently I have distanced myself from these negative people, and instead have started to really value those close to me who can put a positive spin on things while remaining realistic.

Plastics

It seems that more and more people I know have had some sort of cosmetic surgery. I am a big supporter of cosmetic surgery, if (and it's an important if) it's something that has really bothered you for some time, and there's no other way to fix it. For example, if you can just work out a bit harder, do that rather than have lipo!
If you are distracted by the look of your nose in every single picture you view of yourself, or you feel subconscious in every social situation because of your chest size, go for it! Help yourself to feel as good as you can - but ensure that you're happy with the girl inside. It can be a very slippery slope when you continually look to external or material things for satisfaction and confidence.

Life Lessons

I've decided I would like to record some stories of older people (my Grandma will be person #1). It may sound lame but when you consider that some people close to us have been on this Earth for more than 80, maybe 90 years, that's pretty amazing. I'm not great with history, but think of all the things that have changed, appeared, and transformed since the early 1900's. I have a hard enough time keeping up with the ever-changing world of social networking and technology, I can't even imagine what it's like if your first exposure to a computer was at age 70.
With age comes maturity, regrets, pleasures and true lessons learned. I have always felt that I should learn as much from those around me who are older - whether they're 40 or 80, they have had more experiences with me, and therefore can probably impart some wisdom. Take the opportunity to talk with your grandparents, your teachers, your parents or family friends, and soak up all you can. No one is expecting you to follow every word of advice or avoid making your own mistakes, but you just might come away with a slightly different outlook on life.

The Secret to Happiness

I just finished a great new book, which was centred around discussions, and a friendly relationship between a middle-aged man and his elderly Rabbi. I know it sounds odd (if anyone has read Tuesdays With Morrie, similar idea by the same author), but it was very touching. The thing I remember most from the pages and pages of shared wisdom and advice was the Rabbi`s opinion on the secret to happiness: be satisfied and be grateful.
So simple, but that`s really true if you take a moment to think about it. Some people have everything in the world and still hate their lives and feel totally unhappy. Others have next to nothing but seem joyful with the lives they have. Take a moment each day to think about something you`re satisfied with and what you`re grateful for - it will make your life much happier too.

Excuses

I'm pretty sure I've become an expert at making up excuses. If I could find a job where all I had to do was develop excuses for why people haven't accomplished their goals and dreams, I'd be set for life. Lately I have had a few...awakenings...if you will. There are changes I need to make in my life but I've been hiding behind excuses all along.
I have made complaints about various jobs pretty much forever (haven't we all?), but instead of doing something to fix them or look for something else, I blame others or allow it to happen because 'it's good money' or 'it's a bad time to leave'. I miss important moments in my friends' lives, but there's always a excuse for not being there. I have stayed with BFs for way too long, but it's because 'I didn't want to be alone' or 'they really were good guys'. I don't travel enough because of money/my BF/my apartment/I'll miss something happening here.
Enough. I'm done with it. From now on, if I decide to do/not do something it's because that is my decision - not because of anyone or anything else. What a relief for myself, and for my friends who have put up with these excuses for years.

What You Should Do

I read a great quote by a really cool author yesterday and wanted to pass it along:
"How do you boost self-discipline? Do the things you know you should do but don't feel like doing!"
How obvious is that? But I totally need to hear that. I can't even tell you how often I don't go to the gym, don't read those books I wanted to, or eat something that is not only bad for me, but makes me feel horrible later. I believe that going that extra step to actually DO what you know you should (and want to) do makes the difference in life. Everyone must have their wild, irresponsible moments, but if you can do more of what you know you should do I'm certain you will feel better about yourself. I'm really trying to take this to heart, and may even track my successes (and failures) via this blog.

Do It Now

Too often we talk about doing things and don't act on it. I am especially guilty of planning things to the smallest detail, worrying about all possible (but often unlikely) outcomes, talking myself out of something and stressing out before acting on it (if I can convince myself to act on it...). I really think there's something to be said for following the motto 'Less Talk, More Action'. I've also heard people say that sometimes you have to run before you can walk. All these are true in a lot of cases.
Whether this refers to starting a new business venture, booking a trip, taking a course/designation or moving to a new city - these things are huge decisions, but once you've weighed the pros and cons there is not a lot left to do. By no means am I telling you to rush into things, but remind yourself to 'Do It Now' when you're wasting time and delaying your own satisfaction. You're probably scared, but we only have one life...might as well take great opportunities as they come.

Your Own Worst Enemy #1

Girls are so hard on themselves, it perplexes me sometimes. I mean this first of all in a general way, but specific to today's 'lesson', I'm referring to working out/losing weight/being healthy.
I can't speak for all men, but I really can't imagine a guy talking negatively to himself 10 minutes after consuming a bag of chips, tearing up because he is going to look bad at the beach the next weekend. Sometimes work-outs have to be skipped (it is summer and patio season after all)...but enjoy the night off, rather than feeling guilty like you're playing hookey from the gym.
I'm all for self-control (usually) and maintaining a healthy, well-balanced lifestyle, but seriously girls, cut yourselves some slack! Instead of looking in the mirror and focusing on the areas you don't like, pick out a few things that you know really rock - be it your lips, butt, or toes. Work out twice this week instead of 4 times - it won't throw everything off and you'll probably be more excited to get back into the gym the next time. This is a great time in life - we're young, healthy, and I'm pretty sure will look back on this time in years to come, wishing we were back in this shape!

Getting Organized

It's funny how much better and 'together' you can feel after a bit of organizing. Within the last few months I have got a new laptop and Smartphone, and with them, I made an effort to set everything up just as I want it. On top of this, I've cleared out old emails from all my email accounts, and re-organized the folders on my computers, and cleaned my desk at work.
I know this makes me sound really anal (which I kind of am...) but I find when the things in my life are clean and updated, I feel happier, more organized, and in control of all things Danielle. For me, it only takes a few of things to get out of hand, and life starts to feel like it's running away from me. If you feel like things are spiralling out of control lately, take an hour or two to re-organize the things you use regularly, and you will be ready to face the world again.

Totally Unreasonable

Sometimes I am so completely unreasonable I can't even believe it myself...it feels like watching yourself, like an out-of-body experience, saying 'no, NO, stop!' but you don't listen. Today I had a semi-breakdown getting a coffee - I spilled the drink twice, one time burning my hand and another time injuring my purse and sweater. This after having several morning sneezing fits and madly packing for a weekend trip to Montreal. Still though - the coffee spills did not warrant teary eyes and a pouty lip. Why can't I have more control? Yes, today is totally a day that I wish I could crawl back into bed. It's been a really rough week and I just feel like hiding from the world this morning...but obviously I'm not going to do that, so I have to buck up (that's a Grandma word eh?) and face things head on.
It's the overreacting, emotional stuff that I get so frustrated with. I guess once in a while it's allowed, and even expected, but 1-2 times a week, probably not so much. I often wonder how long a guy can put up with sporadic, completely unpredictable appearances of tears...guess we can consider that my new experiment of life.

Take Advantage

Usually 'taking advantage of a situation' comes with a negative connotation, but I believe in something different. There are ways to take advantage of situations in order to benefit you and the people around you (your company, co-workers, friends, family).
I'm primarily thinking about the workplace - join as many committees and extra projects as you can reasonably handle. Do not overwhelm yourself to the point that your job performance will suffer or you can't make a true commitment. But do try something new - join a committee and perform a role that is different from what you do in your day to day job. Learn about a new project or company goal while interacting with people from various departments and various levels. If your company offers subsidies for training courses take as many as you can, making them tie-in to your current role. These things will make you a more well-rounded candidate when you do choose to move forward or move on, and your department and the company will benefit with your increased knowledge, contacts and confidence. If you're in a position where you lead people, use that opportunity to learn and develop as much as possible. Read books on leadership, speak with other Managers/Execs to get tips and hints, and exercise your new knowledge on your direct reports (of course being careful not to hinder their experience!).
If a friend is starting a business, offer to help her with the promo, design or budgeting. Use your skills and get higher level experience (think creating the company budget vs.monitoring a small portion of it), to help her and yourself. If there's a specific skill you're looking to develop, apply to be a volunteer with one of many organizations - you can contribute to an important cause at the same time.
Often we find ourselves in less than perfect situations with one or more things in our life. While you are in that job, relationship or even city - take advantage of all the opportunities that are hidden within.

Pestering

The worst situation to be in, in my mind, is to be that girl who is pestering a guy. Can you imagine the guy you're dating/seeing/liking from afar looking at his phone the next time you text saying "oh jeez, there's ______ again". I can just picture it now - he's out for wings with his friends, and instead of telling them about how wonderful, fun and independent you are, he's sharing your 'could be construed as clingy' text messages.
I'm not a proponent of game-playing, but try to keep the tables balanced when it comes to messaging, calling, and all forms of communication. Sometimes there are reasons he's not responding right away - he could be legitimately busy in which case he needs his space. And if it's not legit, he doesn't deserve your time anyway. Just something to keep in mind before you hit send on that 4th straight message.

Being Alone...Not Always So Bad

No matter who you are, there are times you will find yourself alone. Be it waiting in a doctor's office, grabbing a coffee or catching a flight. Everyone enjoys spending at least some part of their week alone at home, but when it's in public, some people are just not so good at solo. Between travelling quite a bit on my own, moving to a new city, and being awkwardly early for most appointments/dates/meetings, I have become quite accustomed to doing my own thing. I think every confident girl should be A-OK with being on their own for at least a couple hours, and realize that it's perfectly natural.
Try going into a restaurant and having lunch on your own. It's almost liberating, at least after you get over the initial awkwardness. And if a solo lunch seems too intimidating try grabbing a seat at Starbucks with a coffee and paper for half an hour. A good trick is to always carry a good book, magazine or a journal - something to entertain you and make it look like you MEANT to be on your own (not like you got stood up). Smartphones really help too - allowing you to access the Internet and all chatting capabilities...but that kind of defeats the purpose a bit. Try it, you might be surprised at how great you feel when you devote some time to chillin with yourself!

Smiling

Next time you're feeling down try smiling. Yes, this sounds cheesy, and I know you might feel silly smiling to yourself, but it really does help your mood improve! When you stand up straight, lift your chin, walk/stand with some confidence and smile, it's difficult to stay in a bad mood.
It's almost always easier to feel sorry for yourself, but try challenging yourself the next time you're feeling down. Never let a difficult time get the best of you!