Lana's Here!

Yay my friend Lana is here for the weekend! So that means lots of shopping, gossiping, outings, eating, catching up and some drinking! Some....
So I'm out of commission...have a great weekend and be sure to spend some quality time with your girl friends!

You CAN Have It All

I used to think of myself as two different people - Single Dani and Relationship Dani. Up until recently I thought I was a different person in a relationship vs. when I was single. True, your lifestyle does change and your personality and social life will differ a bit, but you're still the same person. I feel like I've finally found a great balance between seeing my friends and spending quality time with them, and hanging out with my BF. Of course there are times that I miss out on drunken nights in downtown TO because I'm with him, but I get to do a lot of really fun things with him and the new friends I've met through him. I still make an effort to meet new people, see old and new friends, and participate in activities that I enjoy. I focus on my career, take trips I want to take, and try my best to be a good girlfriend. No longer is it about calling my girlfriends when I'm down about my BF, I call them to participate in the great parts of my life just as I would if I were single.

Timetabling

If the relationship is a good, healthy, happy one, it should complement the people involved, and allow them to keep doing the things they love doing while fitting a new person into their life. Yes, they will probably have less time to spend with their friends, because they are now fitting someone else into their schedule. This doesn't mean that they're ditching their friends for their BF/GF, nor does it mean that they don't care about their friends. People have a finite amount of time, money and energy, so squeezing a new person into the mix means reducing the size of the slices of the pie for everyone else.
Another common misconception is that every time a person can't do something it's because of their BF. Not only is there an issue, as mentioned above, of time allotment, but maybe that person just doesn't want to hang out. If your friend refuses to come out with you or says they have a busy week, they may just be telling the truth! Maybe they have a stressful week at work, maybe they need some alone time, or maybe they just don't want to do what you're asking them to do. Simple enough. I don't hear people complaining about single people failing to make it to birthdays or girls nights, but when a married or attached girl does, the fingers are already pointing.

Plastics

It seems that more and more people I know have had some sort of cosmetic surgery. I am a big supporter of cosmetic surgery, if (and it's an important if) it's something that has really bothered you for some time, and there's no other way to fix it. For example, if you can just work out a bit harder, do that rather than have lipo!
If you are distracted by the look of your nose in every single picture you view of yourself, or you feel subconscious in every social situation because of your chest size, go for it! Help yourself to feel as good as you can - but ensure that you're happy with the girl inside. It can be a very slippery slope when you continually look to external or material things for satisfaction and confidence.

When's My Turn?

I went to a wedding last night and it finally hit me - I want to get married. Not right now, not even necessarily in the near future, but I do want to get married. I have always been pretty relaxed about my romantic future - I stress about a lot of things but didn't really worry about my marital status at age 40. Like a lot of mid-20-somethings, I've been attending a lot of weddings lately. I really enjoy them and love seeing such happy couples and their proud families. Last night I realized I want my chance to be one half of a smiling couple. I don't think it will change anything as far as my 'dating strategy' per se, but it's important to keep things cool as much as possible. Obvious pressure = scared boys!

Settling

Last week I overheard a girl on the streetcar (Bathurst streetcar, you meet all kinds...) complaining about the guy she's dating because he washed his hands a lot. The story goes that he even expects her to wash her hands when she gets to his place (I presume because TTC buses/streetcars/subs are the germ hot-beds). I had a difficult time controlling my eyebrows while eavesdropping for a few reasons: a) She should be happy that her BF washes regularly, as some of us cannot be so lucky and b) who cares? True that maybe I didn't catch the whole story and he is OCD and washes his hands raw and expects her to do the same - that is unreasonable. Otherwise it doesn't seem like such a bad habit to have.
What's worse is she followed up this story by commenting in a whiney voice "Do I really have to settle right now??". Sorry honey, that's not settling. Being with someone you're not attracted to is settling. Dating a rude DB guy is settling. Feeling pressure to get married so you pick the first available semi-sane man is settling. Reasonable expectations of cleanliness is at most a quirk, but definitely not settling.

He Seems Nice

A common reaction I've heard from people all over the globe, after meeting a friend's significant other for the first time is, "s/he seems nice.". I appreciate the sentiment, but a) obviously we think he's nice too b) if you don't think he's nice are you going to tell me that? (please do) and c) what's the appropriate response to that? Creativity has got to count for something here...

Meet the BF

The whole idea of people who are close to you meeting a new BF/GF is pretty awkward, when you really consider it. First of all, it's hard for anyone to really get to know that person in the allotted time. It takes either multiple get-togethers (at least two or three), significant quantities of alcohol, or an interview-style meeting (think overly protective Dads). It's really important that your friends and family like the person you're with, and for me, I want to ensure they enjoy spending time with him and are comfortable when he's around, or can keep up a convo if I leave the room for a few minutes! Other than that, I'm not sure that approval plays such a significant role anymore.

Friendships

It's funny how friendships change and develop over time. As I get older I have bonded with many new friends and gotten even closer with old friends. There doesn't seem to be a specific formula to determine who will remain close and who won't. Instead, as we grow and change, people will move in and out of our lives, sometimes there for a short, specific period, and others will be there for the long haul. I think we should embrace this and spend time with the people who encourage us to grow, learn, love and laugh. We are no longer kids and our parents do not set our play dates. WE should spend our days with the people who we care deeply about and who care about us, and who make us truly happy. Don't feel bad if you are no longer as close with a childhood friend, or if you spend more time with someone you met 6 months ago.

Martyrs

Martyr: One who makes great sacrifices or suffers much in order to further a belief, cause, or principle.
A friend told me last week that he didn't feel bad for a co-worker doing double duty at work because he didn't feel sorry for martyrs. I was surprised at the comment, but when he went on to explain that this person had been given the opportunity to offload some work and he refused, I understood. It was his choice to make, and that offer is only going to be made so many times. Sure, when people are put into uncomfortable or difficult situations it's only natural to feel for them, but when they don't do what they can to help themselves, that is their decision and they have to deal with it. I definitely notice that there's a pattern with this - whether people like the attention or feel bad offloading work, it's a common theme in most workplaces and often in personal life as well.
On the flip side, think about a time you complained about a heavy workload, taking in a guest, or running an errand that you offered to do. I know I've been in that situation more times than I like to admit, and my friends and family are probably sick of listening to my complaints!