Some people are dirty fighters, including myself in the past, and I believe that some people probably do come by it naturally. Maybe these people are evil (?!!), they're insecure or just quick-thinking while their opponents are stumbling over their tongues for a comeback. Whatever the reason, fighting dirty is never good, especially when it's with someone you love or care about.
I hear from girls all the time who tell me their BF is a dirty fighter, and I feel sad that they're going through a tough fight, but even more worried for the future of their relationship. I worry that these are the guys who will throw your insecurities right back at you in the heat of the moment. These might be the guys who drink too much and put an evil spin on the secrets you shared with them earlier that day. Perhaps you're a victim at a time when the kids are acting up, you're both stressed out, and the guy storms out of the house uttering rude comments. Regardless of the method used to dish it out, these fights are bad news and the comments are poisonous.
I know I've been guilty in the past, but as I've matured and grown to really love the people close to me, the thought of hurting them in any way, let alone such a cruel way, hurts my own heart. I'm amazed and saddened that people would inflict this pain on those closest to them.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Grade 3
Remember when guys picked on you when they liked you? I was tormented by a boy in elementary school for being so small - shrimp, midget and shorty were words I heard on a near-daily basis until my mom finally gave the teacher the heads-up. I learned later that he thought I was cute. Not exactly romantic but it was the best you could expect from an under-12-year-old boy.
I have experienced an eerily similar situation over the past few months, with a male acquaintance who relentlessly pokes fun and teases me. Seriously, he teases. I'm reminded of those long days in Grade 3, where once again my height is a source of entertainment, and the fact that I was born and raised in Winnipeg is hilarious. Seriously, who makes fun of those things after the age of thirteen? At least to the person's face!
More than a couple people have proposed the possibility that he 'likes' me. Wow if only I could be so lucky (sarcasm). I would hope by this age men have worked up the courage to get to know girls they like, or even better, flirt with them. But just in case, here's an FYI boys - mean jokes about things that we can't help, ie. our height, does not qualify as flirting.
I have experienced an eerily similar situation over the past few months, with a male acquaintance who relentlessly pokes fun and teases me. Seriously, he teases. I'm reminded of those long days in Grade 3, where once again my height is a source of entertainment, and the fact that I was born and raised in Winnipeg is hilarious. Seriously, who makes fun of those things after the age of thirteen? At least to the person's face!
More than a couple people have proposed the possibility that he 'likes' me. Wow if only I could be so lucky (sarcasm). I would hope by this age men have worked up the courage to get to know girls they like, or even better, flirt with them. But just in case, here's an FYI boys - mean jokes about things that we can't help, ie. our height, does not qualify as flirting.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Valentine's Day for Couples
After reviewing the pros of being single on the world's most romantic day (see previous post), I know it's only appropriate to cover the other angle.
Of course it's nice to have a date for Valentine's Day, and when that date is someone you love and care about it really is wonderful. Unfortunately, more often than not I think that Valentine's Day for couples is a tough day to get through. The pressure to make the day a success is huge - every person, especially the men, are under a microscope. When he doesn't take you to the right restaurant you begin to wonder if maybe he doesn't know you well enough, or is this really the guy you want to spend your future special days with? All girls are comparing the facts and events of their days with each other, and judging whether their BFs are good enough. It's unfortunate because a BF could be amazing every day of the year, but if he comes up short on Feb. 14th, he's viewed as an undesirable catch. And we wonder why guys end up buying generic flowers and chocolates - they're caving under the pressure!
I think Valentine's Day for couples is a day of disappointment more often than a day of love and happiness, unless of course you have a great catch like I do.
Of course it's nice to have a date for Valentine's Day, and when that date is someone you love and care about it really is wonderful. Unfortunately, more often than not I think that Valentine's Day for couples is a tough day to get through. The pressure to make the day a success is huge - every person, especially the men, are under a microscope. When he doesn't take you to the right restaurant you begin to wonder if maybe he doesn't know you well enough, or is this really the guy you want to spend your future special days with? All girls are comparing the facts and events of their days with each other, and judging whether their BFs are good enough. It's unfortunate because a BF could be amazing every day of the year, but if he comes up short on Feb. 14th, he's viewed as an undesirable catch. And we wonder why guys end up buying generic flowers and chocolates - they're caving under the pressure!
I think Valentine's Day for couples is a day of disappointment more often than a day of love and happiness, unless of course you have a great catch like I do.
Valentine's Day for Singles
Valentine's Day has traditionally been viewed as a bitter, trying event for single people. How I understand it though, is that those without a lover seem to band together, creating one of the best party nights of the year. No longer is it a night for sitting at home crying into a carton of ice cream - for single people it's an excuse for a girls' dinner, several bottles of wine or a great night out with all your single friends.
It can also be a great reason to hang out with that guy you've been eyeing - using the excuse that you don't want to be alone on such a horrifically romantic day. My last relationship started for this very reason - the supposed embarrassment or fear of being lonely on Feb 14th was the best way to make the move from acquaintance to date. I say the decades of being the sad single woman alone on V-day are over - this could quite possibly be the best night of the year, and when I was out last night part of me wanted to join in.
It can also be a great reason to hang out with that guy you've been eyeing - using the excuse that you don't want to be alone on such a horrifically romantic day. My last relationship started for this very reason - the supposed embarrassment or fear of being lonely on Feb 14th was the best way to make the move from acquaintance to date. I say the decades of being the sad single woman alone on V-day are over - this could quite possibly be the best night of the year, and when I was out last night part of me wanted to join in.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Parade of Nations
As I watched the nations march into BC Place last night for the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, I also watched my dating history parade past my eyes. There were the men of my past represented in alphabetical order - Bosnia, Hong Kong, Italy, Jamaica, Lebanon. As my friends were trying to understand where and what Kyrgyzstan is, I was weighing the merits of Middle Eastern men against those from the former Yugoslavia.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Not My Problem
An ex of mine taught me a great lesson - he taught me to utter the phrase "It's not my problem". As rude, inconsiderate and selfish it sounds, this is something every girl should learn to say. The less liberating part of the story is that he used the words on me, when I was having a meltdown late one night.
In typical early-20-something-year-old female fashion, I had a freak-out about his commitment (never outlined or discussed prior to then) to me. Needless to say it was probably not the right conversation to be having...in the location we were in...at 3am. When I explained that I was nervous and maybe (definitely) a bit (a lot) insecure due to my recent ex's infidelities, he replied with the wonderful three words you see here. Not My Problem.
While this surprised me at first, I realized he was so right. I mean, you don't want someone you're sharing your life with to have this response to all of life's challenges, but it IS the right response to an emotional young girl who drank more than 3 cocktails that evening.
It was not his problem that I was sadly insecure and didn't realize how cool I was. It was not his problem that I spent hours of each day wondering why someone like him would date me. It was definitely not his problem that I had dated a few classic slime balls before him.
As we get older and there is SO MUCH baggage to deal with, try using this phrase and I promise you'll feel a bit more liberated. You may want to mutter it to yourself to avoid appearing like a jerk, but in my case, I respect this guy that much more for being honest and teaching me a great lesson.
In typical early-20-something-year-old female fashion, I had a freak-out about his commitment (never outlined or discussed prior to then) to me. Needless to say it was probably not the right conversation to be having...in the location we were in...at 3am. When I explained that I was nervous and maybe (definitely) a bit (a lot) insecure due to my recent ex's infidelities, he replied with the wonderful three words you see here. Not My Problem.
While this surprised me at first, I realized he was so right. I mean, you don't want someone you're sharing your life with to have this response to all of life's challenges, but it IS the right response to an emotional young girl who drank more than 3 cocktails that evening.
It was not his problem that I was sadly insecure and didn't realize how cool I was. It was not his problem that I spent hours of each day wondering why someone like him would date me. It was definitely not his problem that I had dated a few classic slime balls before him.
As we get older and there is SO MUCH baggage to deal with, try using this phrase and I promise you'll feel a bit more liberated. You may want to mutter it to yourself to avoid appearing like a jerk, but in my case, I respect this guy that much more for being honest and teaching me a great lesson.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Update
Please know that I don't pull ALL (or even a lot of) the material from this blog from my own personal circumstances and experience. My BF/roommate is super annoying at times (aren't we all??) but I'm not throwing him out. Thanks for the input as I know people dealing with this issue, or close to dealing with this problem, and in truth any one of us could find ourselves in that tough position in the months or years to come.
So...
I don't want you to live here anymore - how do I say that to someone without totally throwing them out? Boyfriends can move in and it can all be wonderful, but it can be difficult too. I feel like moving in together is a huge life change - you may not be ready to marry someone but living together might seem like the most appropriate next move. Several months or years later, you realize it's not the right thing but maybe you're unsure of how to deal with the situation. Do you have ideas for how to end things without breaking someone's heart? How do you work through a person's quirks without completely ruining them for life?
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