EXcitement

I had dinner with an ex on Friday night. Luckily the plans were made two days in advance, as even then I spent several hours contemplating outfits, where to go and what it would be like to see him. I don't want to think what my productivity levels would have been for the month if he'd invited me out in March.

I picked a great restaurant, tried on 4 outfits, and spent over an hour making myself beautiful - which is a long time for someone with a super short attention span like myself. It paid off - I felt very pretty and confident and I was happy to show him how I'd grown up over the past few years.

What struck me as odd was that I was more concerned about looking good for him than I am on most first dates I go on. My friends offered suggestions on what to wear, my roommates told me how great I looked before I went out, and being sweet as they are they even messaged me while I was out to mention it again.

I had a great dinner and hopefully he felt at least an ounce of regret for dumping me, but ultimately he's an ex who I have zero interest in. Why are we so concerned with impressing exes, when they're virtually failed options, yet we are lazy with dating new guys? No, not all girls are like that, but maybe that's why I am still single...

V-Day

Single people generally hate Valentine's Day. Surrounded by couples holding hands, exchanging sappy cards and cheap chocolates it's like having a sign pinned to your back exclaiming "I'm single!". When your cubicle neighbour receives a beautiful bouquet and the only thing you've received is a text from your dad wishing his "cute daughter a Happy Valentine's Day", it's tough not to be bitter.

I choose to look at Valentine's Day as an opportunity, rather than a sad day. It's a great excuse to ask out that guy in your class or someone you've been friendly with at the office. Maybe you've been chatting online with someone for a few weeks but no dates have materialized thus far. What single guy isn't looking for an easy answer to the question "what are you doing for Valentine's?"

A few years back I started a relationship this way. I was working part-time and one of our shifts landed on the big day. Rather than go home alone, I got take-out and watched a movie with a cute co-worker. I proposed the idea to him the week prior, with the context of neither of us having plans, and no one wants to be alone that night. We had a great time and ended up dating for several months after.

I'm not suggesting you ask someone out to an uber-romantic dinner, or expect the guy you're casually seeing to present you with a dozen roses and a blue box. I am merely reminding you to keep your options open and always see the silver lining!

The Writing's on the Wall

Some people are great writers. Even more people are great texters and emailers. The problem with this is that you can be tricked into really liking and getting close with someone without actually liking them in person.

Here's how it happens:

• You meet someone and begin an email exchange. This could be a person you met via online dating or at a bar, or even a colleague who you first contacted about a work-related matter.
• You email regularly, with the exchanges getting ever more flirtatious and personal. This is especially tricky when it comes to co-workers - where what began as work-related has now moved to discussing weekend stories and upcoming activities. Maybe the guy has by now casually invited you out for next week.
• You really hit it off with the person - at least via print. They seem funny, witty and there's always a ton to talk about. You begin looking forward to the person's daily emails and rely on them to pick you up during the day. You find yourself smiling when their name pops up in your inbox.
• The problem comes when you meet in person. Maybe you had already met and there was no spark. If it's an online relationship you may not have met yet, in which case there can be disappointment when the written chemistry fizzles out as you sit across from one another. If it's a co-worker, being in a meeting together can be a vastly different experience than what happens in your fantasy written world.
• You need to draw the line somewhere. If the guy is still emailing daily and asking you out, you can't continue to respond "as a friend", knowing that you've already written the relationship off. Just be prepared that you will find a hole in your day when it's 11am on Monday and you haven't heard from them.

Relationship Hangover

After my latest break-up I felt relief, excitement and the feeling that comes with knowing you did the right thing, even if it wasn't the easiest thing. Now, months later, the sadness is creeping back in. I knew this would happen, but it still stings.
While everyone was nicely concerned about me in the weeks that followed, I felt, for the most part, perfectly fine. But a few weeks passed and reality sunk in. The seemingly endless list of available guys I know or could meet has shrunken, my body is tired from wearing 4 inch heels on every outing, and my cheeks hurt from flashing my best smile at every guy I pass on the street.
The more important thing is that it was the right decision, and I know that we all have to go through some tough times every now and then. But the initial high of being free and having my own life back was the equivalent of 1am at my favourite bar, 5 drinks in, and now I'm experiencing 9:30am the next day. The relationship hangover. Sometimes a reliable, quiet, alcohol-free night is the way to go after all.

Marry Me

Remember in Junior High and High School when there was so much gossip about who liked who? It was all about not who liked, but 'liked' each other. You either liked a guy and wanted them to be your BF or you didn't. If we thought adolescence was confusing, life seems to have gotten much more difficult today, at least in the dating department. Yes, we're no longer struggling with chemistry and awkward growth spurts, but now there are numerous ways in which you can 'like' someone.

Recently a guy told me about a girl he knew who "was going to be his wife". They didn't know each other well, but he could tell she was someone he would want to marry. He was planning to get to know her better and I'm sure wined and dined her beyond his regular standards. Even on one of my guilty pleasure reality shows the guys categorized women as "take home to mom" or "wife" types vs. girls they just wanted to sleep with or casually date. And although these guys aren't angels, they did treat those "wife" types way better than the average girl.

In some ways I think this is BS because how do you really know you want to marry someone that early on? But I can understand that a girl can be that type - kind, beautiful, and probably has her shit together. It seems that overnight being the hottest girl in the room or the most fun girl, dancing on tables and doing shots is not quite so attractive. In university, these were the girls that everyone tripped over themselves to talk to (or lift off the table), and although I'm sure guys still love chatting them up, they won't always be the number one girl on their minds.

I'd chalk it up to the age of guys I know, and their eventual desire to have a bit more stability in their lives (at least for some period), but being a dream girl is no longer about the length of your skirt.

Ponyboy Curtis

For the first time in 10 years, I'm watching The Outsiders, the movie based on the classic S. E. Hinton novel. The all-star cast makes up a group of tough young "greasers". Even though this movie is 27 years old and the actors are grown men now, I can't help but have a crush on the main character, Ponyboy Curtis. In fact all the characters have a certain (dirty?) sex appeal.
What is it about bad boys that attracts all women? Even in this movie a super pretty, wealthy young woman has a thing for the roughest guy of them all. Not only do bad boys exude confidence and manliness, they refuse to play by the rules which we all wish we could mimic but don't. Perhaps more importantly, It also feels like a magnificent sense of accomplishment when you "tame" a bad boy and make him your own. And no, I'm not talking about a stallion.
Ironically our standards seem to drop several notches when it's a bad boy - like him just acknowledging your presence is a major achievement. When a bad boy calls you on time or buys you flowers it's the equivalent of a nice guy building you a house or buying you a car. It's not fair, but that's the way it is.

Le Sigh

So many people I know are getting engaged - I feel like not a day goes by that I don't see a facebook update, get a text from a friend or hear through the grapevine about another nuptial announcement. Not a weekend seems to pass without bridal shower gifts to purchase or a wedding to attend. I love weddings, and I love that I'm finally at this stage that has been promised (or threatened) to me by my older friends and family for years.
This wedding-intense time makes me consider those women who get married when they're past their twenties. I am so certain that I'll be in this group, and I am beyond confident that there's no correlation between marriage age and fabulousness. Despite my comfort with my continued Miss status, I can't help but wonder if on the day of my long-anticipated proposal, along with the giddiness and excitement, I'll feel a wave of relief for the fact that I won't be a single woman forever.

Like a Rock

We all go through tough times - whether it's a nasty boss, evil acquaintances, job loss or a sick parent, it seems that people are dealing with tough things more regularly today (ack dare I say it? It may be a sign of getting older). One of the nice things about having a significant other is that they can be there for you in tough times. They are that person who considers you extra-special, and will step in no matter what. In my mind a BF should be there to listen, offer up a ride to the doctor's office, or stay up late helping you investigate new job opportunities.

They need to be there, and during these times their issues take second place. They're minor problems are just not that important for the time being. And for the record, the same goes for you when he is having problems.

Although I do not wish bad times upon anyone, many relationships are strengthened during times of trouble, as it's when people's true colours really show. And if your BF is pouting or selfishly whiney when you're going through a tough time (I'm not talking about minor issues here...the weekly spat with your dramatic girl friend does not count) think seriously about your future potential. After all, there's only more tough times up ahead.

Time Limit

All girls should declare a mandatory two-hour time limit on first dates. Some safe ideas that adhere to this rule are a coffee date, dinner or even better lunch, or a walk around the beach or boardwalk. If it's a good date, you'll be tempted to continue on to the next location, which often leads to returning to someone's home and bad news bears from there. Or the alternative is you have a fun time over lunch and decide to continue the adventure, but after the fourth hour you get tired of the person. After all, you may have only just met this person and may not have a lot to talk about, be uncomfortable in each others company, or you may not have compatible personalities early on.
By calling it a night (or day) early in the date, you appear to have a full and busy life (which you do!), and you will leave your date feeling anxious to see you again. Your date, and most importantly you, will end the date with a happy feeling and look forward to the next outing. This is much better than the alternative of ending an otherwise great date with a bad taste in your mouth when things go sour in the fourth, fifth, or sixth hour of a marathon date.

Picky Picky

Girls are so tough on guys. A lot of women think that guys are overly picky, too shallow, or only like big boobs, but in reality I think it's the females who are the picky ones. How many times have I heard of girls ending things because the guys are too competitive or they make funny noises when they chew? A guy may be a great potential life partner but because he's under 5'11" or wears glasses he just doesn't cut it (even when the girl is 5 feet tall).
We love guys who have great jobs and are committed, but don't like competitiveness or guys who are too 'driven'. We want a guy to be close with his family but get freaked out when they're too close with their mom. I think we need to relax a bit on the expectations. By no means am I suggesting women settle but maybe we should deal with a few minor annoyances, and keep them in perspective, in order to have a great partner for the next 20, 30 or 40+ years.

Valentine's Day for Couples

After reviewing the pros of being single on the world's most romantic day (see previous post), I know it's only appropriate to cover the other angle.
Of course it's nice to have a date for Valentine's Day, and when that date is someone you love and care about it really is wonderful. Unfortunately, more often than not I think that Valentine's Day for couples is a tough day to get through. The pressure to make the day a success is huge - every person, especially the men, are under a microscope. When he doesn't take you to the right restaurant you begin to wonder if maybe he doesn't know you well enough, or is this really the guy you want to spend your future special days with? All girls are comparing the facts and events of their days with each other, and judging whether their BFs are good enough. It's unfortunate because a BF could be amazing every day of the year, but if he comes up short on Feb. 14th, he's viewed as an undesirable catch. And we wonder why guys end up buying generic flowers and chocolates - they're caving under the pressure!
I think Valentine's Day for couples is a day of disappointment more often than a day of love and happiness, unless of course you have a great catch like I do.

He's The One

Girls are always wondering if a guy is 'The One'. This pressure is escalated by countless attached women claiming they 'just knew' on their first date or within a certain (short) time-frame. The few times I thought I could foresee a future with someone, I was super off the mark. In one situation, I went out with a guy two times, felt like we had a great connection and it was someone I could really see myself with. About a month later I realized he was totally leading me on and not really that interested. It had become (or always was) a text-only relationship. Another guy I dated seemed to have all the qualities I wanted in someone, looked great on paper, until I learned that he had a few additional qualities I didn't want (a brutally snobby attitude...).
I'm not that stressed about knowing whether someone is the right person for me - based on my luck so far, it's probably a good thing if I'm unsure at this point!

PDAs

Public Displays of Affection seem to be an chat-worthy subject for most people. I've discussed the merits of PDAs, heard many complaints about them, experienced it myself, and witnessed many many examples of it in all parts of the world, with people of all ages. Women seem to be the most passionate about PDAs and have varied and strong views on what is and isn't acceptable.
Those of you who have spent time with my BF and me know that we're quite affectionate in public, something which was very NOT me a few years ago. I blame a lot of it on him and his culture and background, where families cheek kiss every time they enter a room! Regardless of the reasons, I have come to love this added touching and affection in my life - I think people were meant to hug and touch (I'm talking G rated touching here...) when they care about each other. However, I know that a lot of people don't feel this way, and are especially put off by PDAs.
I've spent time trying to figure out what it is exactly that bothers people about PDAs. Sure - if the couple is getting very graphic it's just downright get-a-room uncomfortable to witness. But what's the harm in a few small kisses or some hand-holding? Do I dare think that people are just jealous? I can understand this if you're in a tough drought or more importantly going through/recovering from a particularly hard break-up - definitely hard to watch a happy couple together. Or do people in Canada really just dislike touching in general and think it's unnecessary outside of the bedroom/couch?
I have had my feelings hurt a few times when people have made comments about my BF kissing me in public, and to be honest, when we first began dating I was a bit embarrassed by it too. I see people giving other affectionate couples the evil eye all pretty much everyday, and I feel bad for them (and smile at how happy the couple is). I would have hoped that friends out there would be happier for their girl being with a nice guy who's willing to show how much he cares about them, rather than visually show their frustration. If it's really a problem, please let the PDA-ers know, but maybe spend a minute asking yourself why it's really such a bother to you.
I'm totally open to comments on this post - I know there are more than a few people out there who probably do not agree me.

Questioning my Motives

Since I'm questioning moving in with my BF quite a bit, I wonder why - am I just too logical of a person or is there a real reason why I don't want to commit to it? Even he pointed out that you can't be completely risk-averse with something like this. There is a certain point where you have to commit to your choice and take the good and bad that comes with it. After an annoying night I wonder why I'd ever be crazy enough to give up my place. Not to mention my ongoing thoughts on travel, money, and future plans. I have always believed that if the relationship is for real and it's a good one, you'll move in out of love and excitement. Some of those things seem to be missing for me as I make this decision.