Going Downhill, Fast

One of the exciting & stressful things about dating is that things can seem great, then within a day or two they feel like they're heading straight downhill. You can always count on dating to keep us on our toes.

Let's take the last guy I dated: things were going well, we spent one or two evenings a week together, he messaged, called, seemed really reliable and fun, and I was happy. Unfortunately all good things must come to an end, and a few weeks ago there was a noticeable shift in his behaviour. I noticed it, but still liked hanging out with him so I toned things down a bit and continued to talk with him. He was still really responsive, friendly and he was especially great when we hung out.

Yada yada yada...we've all heard this story before. Obviously something happened that made him just not that into the whole sitch. I think he may have gotten a bit scared of how fast things were moving, or maybe he met another girl and is either too inept to handle dating both of us at once, or feels bad to pursue me further with another girl on the go. My number #1 guess: he is on the verge of breaking out the "You're a cool girl but I'm just not looking for a relationship" card.

What I do want to ask, for myself and all the girls out there who have been in a similar situation, is Why? I would like to know what happened that made him change his mind about me. If it was an external pressure (meeting another girl, for example), there's not much I can do about it. Guys are going to meet other girls. But I have a sneaking suspicion that I said or did something that scared him off or made him go into the relationship fetal position.

It's tough to ask for critiques - think about how rough it is at your job, when someone criticizes your professional work. Now apply that same level of critique to your dating life or even to your personality. Ouch. I`m prepared to put myself out there for the greater good. Think of how much better I, and the girls who read my blog, will be at dating after hearing this truth.

Time Limit

All girls should declare a mandatory two-hour time limit on first dates. Some safe ideas that adhere to this rule are a coffee date, dinner or even better lunch, or a walk around the beach or boardwalk. If it's a good date, you'll be tempted to continue on to the next location, which often leads to returning to someone's home and bad news bears from there. Or the alternative is you have a fun time over lunch and decide to continue the adventure, but after the fourth hour you get tired of the person. After all, you may have only just met this person and may not have a lot to talk about, be uncomfortable in each others company, or you may not have compatible personalities early on.
By calling it a night (or day) early in the date, you appear to have a full and busy life (which you do!), and you will leave your date feeling anxious to see you again. Your date, and most importantly you, will end the date with a happy feeling and look forward to the next outing. This is much better than the alternative of ending an otherwise great date with a bad taste in your mouth when things go sour in the fourth, fifth, or sixth hour of a marathon date.

Ikea

I'm pretty sure Ikea was introduced to North America for the sole purpose of causing fights between couples here. Think about it - Ikea has all the makings of a disastrous torture situation:
- There are always a ton of people there, just way too many for the amount of walking space available.
- Decisions must be made. You've most likely travelled a decent distance to get there and it seems a waste to go home empty-handed. It's not like you can just 'pop in' on your way home from work tomorrow.
- Money is discussed - often a lot of money is thrown around at Ikea. You're probably not going all the way there for a few candles only. Suddenly couples are facing a substantial purchase of $300+, maybe for the first time.
- We all know how most guys feel about shopping.
If you have to go, don't go on a Saturday, have as much fun as you can, and if you have a BF who will stomach the store for more than 10 minutes, he's a keeper.

How to Meet a Boy

Today on the subway I was reading a new dating book, Screw Cupid, and an attractive 20-something-year-old sat down beside me midway through my trip. He interrupted my reading to ask me if the book had been useful so far. Obviously this was a bit embarrassing (I was trying to hide the cover but he must have read one of the chapter titles). I explained that I was reading it for research rather than actual use as I'm currently in a relationship, but we both knew how weak that sounded.
He confessed that he'd read part of (so probably the entire) The Game by Neil Strauss, a cult-classic about pickup artists. He proceeded to brag about his set-up techniques and claimed credit for one marriage to date.We chatted until I got off about 8 stops later, and he was kind enough to participate in some ad-hoc market research.

• When approaching a guy, girls should focus the conversation on something they're passionate and excited about. Not only will she have more to talk about, but being excited about something makes you stand taller, smile bigger and your eyes will sparkle.
• Girls should go places that reflect their interests. My subway friend explained that he likes indie music and would love to meet a girl at a concert who was into the same scene as him.
• I realized that reading a dating book on the subway puts a bit of a target on you. You'll either attract men because you're most likely single and looking, or scare them away with what they'll assume is an intense desire to wed.

Comments!

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