ERASE Button

I have a great idea for an app - an ERASE button - and please let me explain why this is such a smart idea.

I recently went on a few dates with a guy, things seemed to be going well, when he made it clear he was not very interested in me. I'm unsure of what happened to change his mind, but regardless of the reason, I want nothing more to do with him. There are not many things more pathetic than a girl who continues to message or call a guy after he's said he doesn't want to date her. Unfortunately, it can be challenging not to, especially if he is still friendly and nice.

It's especially difficult to remember why I shouldn't be messaging him when his number is so easily available. It's saved in my phone, and even if I did delete it, I have past text messages and the "reply" button is just an inch away. At this point I have his email address and he's on Facebook. He's everywhere.

Here's where the ERASE button comes in. Things are more complicated than in the old days where you simply throw out the piece of paper with his number or delete his number from your call history. Now, you press the ERASE button and he's gone. Emails, text messages, call history and your friendship on Facebook. You won't have to worry about his post coming up on your Twitter feed or sending him a drunk message at the end of the night.

Any developers who are interested, you know how to reach me.

Surprise Message

Today I received a message from an ex that I never thought I'd see. Granted, I'm not completely innocent - I messaged him yesterday saying Hello.

This is an ex who I have always had a close friendship with since breaking-up eight years ago. I have no intentions to get back together with him, and I have not seen him in more than three years.

And I quote:

"Hey! I'm good thank you. I'm really sorry but keeping in touch with x girlfriends is getting me into all kinds of trouble! I'm sorry, nothing against u or anything but I need to put my past behind me! Take care hope all is well".

After receiving this I immediately deleted his number (even though I have had it memorized for years) and will definitely never reach out to him again. I think the most surprising is that of all relationships I've had, this is the one that came to the "never speak to me again" stage.

EXcitement

I had dinner with an ex on Friday night. Luckily the plans were made two days in advance, as even then I spent several hours contemplating outfits, where to go and what it would be like to see him. I don't want to think what my productivity levels would have been for the month if he'd invited me out in March.

I picked a great restaurant, tried on 4 outfits, and spent over an hour making myself beautiful - which is a long time for someone with a super short attention span like myself. It paid off - I felt very pretty and confident and I was happy to show him how I'd grown up over the past few years.

What struck me as odd was that I was more concerned about looking good for him than I am on most first dates I go on. My friends offered suggestions on what to wear, my roommates told me how great I looked before I went out, and being sweet as they are they even messaged me while I was out to mention it again.

I had a great dinner and hopefully he felt at least an ounce of regret for dumping me, but ultimately he's an ex who I have zero interest in. Why are we so concerned with impressing exes, when they're virtually failed options, yet we are lazy with dating new guys? No, not all girls are like that, but maybe that's why I am still single...

Twenty-Eight Going on Sixteen

Two 16-year-old girls are sharing a coffee at Starbucks chatting about their guy drama. For the most part it was typical dating drama, but the disturbing part was that their issues were scarily similar to issues I am still dealing with today. I felt like shaking the girls and telling them some things just never change, and that they have at least another fifteen years of this garbage to deal with, so they better get used to it!

Here's part of their story, just for your reading pleasure.

Lucy

So Lucy is telling Jane about her break-up last weekend. She tells the story as "OMG I seriously cried all day." So the story goes that she decided to break up with her BF who happens to be older than her. She is sitting with him (at his place I assume) cuddling and she starts getting sad and pretty much crying. She tried to tell him a bunch of times and then about 10 minutes before they have to part she decides to do it.

She had already planned to do it so that's not the problem. The drama is around his reaction. He acted like it was no big deal and just said "it's okay". When she asked him what he meant by that he said "it's okay because they can still be friends". Then she checked Facebook when she got home and he had changed his relationship status to single seconds after she left. And a bunch of people had liked it and he wrote "LOL". So she messaged him wanting to talk to him. The way she calls it is that she envisioned the breakup being a little big more "dignified" (her word). Nowadays we would say "I need closure. And why isn't he more heartbroken over this?"
Ten minutes later: the guy called while they were sitting at Starbucks. He wanted to talk about it but was apparently at a friend's house and she said she didn't want to talk about it while he was there. So they are planning to get together on Friday to chat.

Of course as soon as she gets off the phone she starts freaking out. She keeps saying "OMG help me!" "What do I say?!" Jane gives pretty much useless advice and tells her to say something along the lines of "it was just too hard" and some other mumble jumble. Jane gets up to go to the bathroom and Lucy immediately jumps on the phone to call random third friend saying "OMG what do I do?!"

The thing is, during all of these conversations Lucy is smiling. It's as if she likes the drama and/or she's excited to see him. It might be both, and it definitely seems silly, but either way replace "Lucy" with "Dani" and it would be a totally believable story. I may be older but definitely not wiser.

Relationship Hangover

After my latest break-up I felt relief, excitement and the feeling that comes with knowing you did the right thing, even if it wasn't the easiest thing. Now, months later, the sadness is creeping back in. I knew this would happen, but it still stings.
While everyone was nicely concerned about me in the weeks that followed, I felt, for the most part, perfectly fine. But a few weeks passed and reality sunk in. The seemingly endless list of available guys I know or could meet has shrunken, my body is tired from wearing 4 inch heels on every outing, and my cheeks hurt from flashing my best smile at every guy I pass on the street.
The more important thing is that it was the right decision, and I know that we all have to go through some tough times every now and then. But the initial high of being free and having my own life back was the equivalent of 1am at my favourite bar, 5 drinks in, and now I'm experiencing 9:30am the next day. The relationship hangover. Sometimes a reliable, quiet, alcohol-free night is the way to go after all.

A Match Made in Heaven

When I was in high school a friend set me up with her BF's friend. This wasn't just a girl helping out a single friend, there was reason behind this particular match. Her BF's friend was short. Along with his name and hair colour, that was about all the information she provided me with. Funny enough we actually hit it off and dated for over a year. Maybe the hours spent entering compatibility information on dating websites isn't necessary after all. The sites could begin to provide only one question: How tall are you? and the rest will be dating history.

Computer Usage

During university I met a very cute guy at the bar one hazy Friday night. After a fun first night we got together a few days later for what would be our first date. Since he was somewhat of a procrastinator, and cheap, he claimed to be unable to take me out because he had a distance-ed assignment due the following day. Being the innocent, undemanding girl I was, rather than telling him to call me back when he had some cash and time, I offered to hang out with him at home, and to help him with his assignment if need be. Wow was that desperate - at the time I just thought I was being nice (and that he was REALLY cute).

Turned out, not only had he not done the assignment, he was basically computer illiterate. The fact that I spent more than three hours typing his dictated answers should have been a clear warning to stay away from this guy. Who settles for that on a first date, and better yet, what university student doesn't know how to use Word? Needless to say the rest of the relationship consisted of many more "stay at home dates" and more than a few tutoring seshes. The lesson from this - run away from anyone who doesn't know how to use a computer.

David vs Goliath...in Skirts

This actually happened to me: I was at my university gym, working out when a giant girl (or at least a giant compared to me) knelt down in front of the machine I'm sitting on, so that she's looking me in the eye. I was on a shoulder-press machine, so there was not an easy way to move out of my spot with a beast crouched in front of me.
She proceeded to tell me that she's the Ex (or in her opinion, Current) GF of my BF (not today's BF...). She told me that they were still hooking up, and that he told her I was "a crazy b**ch who always messaged him and would not leave him alone". Ummmm OK. So while my male gym partners, completely oblivious yapping to each other on the stationary bikes nearby, left me to fend for myself, I tried to explain that we really were dating and I didn't know anything about their relationship. She literally had me cornered and I was forced to listen to her for ten minutes, while my desperate glances to the cardio section were ignored.
At the time I totally questioned my BF, and he of course claimed she was crazy and offered to buy me dinner (a huge win with this deadbeat) and so I forgave him, and chalked it up to jealously and cattiness. Of course things did not end there and the remaining few months of the relationship were nothing less than tumultuous. OBVIOUSLY.
Today it is a great story, although a bit depressing that I ever spoke to either of them again. The funny part was where following our work-out and my sharing the story, my friends said "Hmmm we were wondering who that girl was - you seemed kind of annoyed.". Thanks for having my back guys.

I'll Call You If You Call Me

I was back home last weekend and the thought to message my ex briefly passed through my mind. By brief I mean the thought was in and out before I even had to time to realize what it was. I am not even sure where the thought came from, my guess is it was a result of seeing some old faces and visiting past hang-outs. I was reverting to my former self; the girl who lived in Winnipeg and dated assholes.
Anyway, when I realized what my traitorous brain was suggesting, I instantly decided against it, for more reasons than one. The most obvious being that I'm in a relationship. But the most ground-breaking and important reason was that although I still know his phone number, I would wager my salary that he doesn't know mine. I am confident that he never knew mine, since I made approximately fifteen phone calls for every one he made to me. He never cared to learn mine because he knew I'd call him - no matter how much attention he gave me I'd always call. It all seems so clear - definitely the most important reason NOT to call someone.

Shudder

The other day I had a flashback to a dirty comment made by an ex-BF of several years ago. I'm not sure what prompted the flashback but what was most disturbing was my reaction to the memory. I literally shuddered.
I remember the moment in question clearly - my BF at the time and I were at a movie screening and I was wearing a cute skirt that I was hoping he'd appreciate (I was so eager to please...). As we sat down for the movie he made a comment re: the skirt.
Even at the time I was just embarrassed, more so for him, and I felt really uncomfortable. It did not turn me on at all and in fact had the opposite effect.
This flashback reminded me of two important things. 1) I don't like dirty talk and 2) when a BF makes you shudder it's probably a pretty clear sign that things aren't meant to be.

Parade of Nations

As I watched the nations march into BC Place last night for the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, I also watched my dating history parade past my eyes. There were the men of my past represented in alphabetical order - Bosnia, Hong Kong, Italy, Jamaica, Lebanon. As my friends were trying to understand where and what Kyrgyzstan is, I was weighing the merits of Middle Eastern men against those from the former Yugoslavia.

The Basement

I dated a guy who, when I'm honest with myself, was ashamed of me. The pathetic part is that I was nothing to be ashamed of, and the saddest part was that I actually put up with it. From date number one, he told me that his parents would never approve of me, because we were from different cultures. I had never considered this being a factor in my dating life, growing up in a very accepting household with parents of different faiths and backgrounds, and I suppose I underestimated the effects of parental disapproval and what some may consider racism. I completely understand why parents hope that their children will grow up to love another of the same background. However, living in Canada, we should be, and usually are proud and accepting of the multiple cultures that are represented in our neighbourhoods.
All I wanted was to be accepted and welcomed into the family (how things change as you get older!) and I would have done anything for his family's approval. Early in our relationship, on a particularly frustrating visit to the basement, I pointed out that to his parents (and to him?) I was as well-liked as a good student, busy volunteer and nice girl as I would have been as a drug addicted prostitute (seriously, I said this). He could do nothing but agree with me on this point.
When I think about it, if he had really been that into me, he would have put up more of a fight, rather than only inviting me over when his parents were out, or basically hiding me in the basement when they were around.

Mama's Boy

How close should a guy be with his mother? I don't want someone who hates his family or only speaks to his parents on holidays, but I don't want to be the second woman in my guy's life forever. An ex of mine was creepily close with his mom. He complimented her on her clothes without even taking a 2-second look at me (the nerve!) and talked about qualities he looked for in a woman, because they were traits shared by his mom. Believe it or not, he even told me that his affinity for large busts was because his mom was big chested. Ew. Not only is that pretty gross but since when does a guy need to explain their desire for a Double-D girl??
I know a lot of great guys who have healthy relationships with their mothers, my brother being one of them. Closeness between a guy and his mom is a great thing, but there are a lot of great women out there who I'm already competing with, I'm not looking to add another to the list.

White Pants

An ex of mine had a girl roommate who he claimed he was only friends with. She was always really nice to me, and I am pretty positive there was nothing more between them. One night I went over to his place and his female roomie was wearing white, semi-translucent cargo pants (I know, sounds bad but at the time they were pretty cool), which were especially fitted in the butt. They looked good - I will give her that - she had a great body, helped by the fact that she was a university athlete. My ex commented more than once about how great her behind looked at the time (not to me but I was obviously within earshot) and of course I became jealous. I should be mad about him making sexual comments about another girl in my company, but instead what I am upset about is the fact that I took the bait and wore a pair of my own fitted white yoga pants the next day. Not only did I look pathetic for trying so hard to get his attention and approval, but when I'm honest with myself, I know I didn't look near as good as she did. I should have stayed confident, ditched him (obviously) and rocked my look with my regular jeans and a full dose of confidence.

The Dating Life of my Exes

I have a lot of ex-BF's who are single. Not in a bit of a dating funk, more like they've barely dated since we broke up. In some cases we broke up more than 5 years ago. It just struck me as odd today when I (for whatever reason) started thinking about it - I wonder why this is. Here are some of the theories I concocted on my subway ride home:

• They can't get over me (you knew this was coming...), and cannot find anyone to compete with how amazing and perfect for them they thought I was.
• I scarred them enough that they're taking things verrrrry slowly before getting into another relationship. I have in fact heard one of these exes tell me that he thought girls were the devil (post-relationship), so this seems to be the more likely scenario.
• They're really picky. I do believe this is true in at least one of the cases, and in this case by picky I mean they have a way over-inflated view of themselves and believe no girl is good enough even though that's wrong. Not that I'm bitter.
• But really, they're picky. For the most part I think guys that remain single for a long time know what they're looking for and will not settle for anything less. Not necessarily a bad thing, but probably makes their bed pretty lonely on those long winter nights.

Your guess is as good as mine when it comes to why I was even thinking about this today, but thought it would be good for a laugh.