Passion Partay

Last night I finally hosted my first Passion Party. My friend Lesley is a wonderful Passion Consultant, and she explained and demo'd everything from grooming products, sensual massage creams and warming lubricants, then finally onto the big players - sex toys.

There was a lot of giggling but to my surprise very little embarrassment. I suppose it's a result of Lesley's open, friendly, knowledgeable demeanor, plus the super cool group of girls who attended. Girls called out questions and shared stories on everything from their "size", their preferences and what products they're currently enjoying in their bedroom. The group was an even mix between single and paired-off women, and I think everyone found it informative, exciting, helpful and fun. While I was concerned that it might not be a very profitable night for the Consultant, many people purchased items and most openly discussed what they bought (usually purchases are made in a private area).

I had a great turn-out for my party, and thank you to my friends whose purchases lead to a great deal on the products I purchased! What I expected to be a bit of a joke, and possibly lewd or uncomfortable, turned out to be a great way to spend a Friday night with wine, friends and girl talk.

I definitely encourage other women to host their own party! Now I just wonder if all my friends will be exponentially happier and more relaxed in two-three weeks when our deliveries arrive.

Drunk Texting...Never A Good Idea

When you are drinking and decide to send a message or make a phone call, it can mean major regret the next day. Waking up and reviewing my outgoing messages can be a painful activity, and it always leads to me wanting to send a follow-up message. I want to reassure the recipient that I was not in the best state of mind and I might even ask that he delete my message or voicemail.

Do I risk seeming needy and possibly crazy by sending two messages before he has responded to my first, just to try to to explain the circumstances of the evening prior? It does seem a bit much, but the other option is to sit around waiting for a response worrying that it will be a negative one, or even worse, that I'll get no response at all.

I think the best solution is for someone to (please!) take my phone away from me when I get to drink number three.

Eager Beaver

I spot a guy at a party who is attractive and who seems to be confident, fun and outgoing. We start talking and he seems interested in me. I'm enjoying myself; it's nice speaking with someone who seems to listen to what I'm saying and who is giving off good vibes.

Another ten minutes pass and I can tell he's totally hooked. He's trying too hard to make things work by asking very personal, prying questions, and he seems to be laughing at basically everything I say. I even begin testing him - I purposely argue with some of his points or I stop hiding my boredom, but he just seems to be more enthralled. It gets to the point where I'm struggling not to roll my eyes at what he says, and I must literally place my hands on his chest to ensure he keeps his distance from me.

Despite this, he asks when I'm free this week, and tells me he'll be available anytime I am! I haven't quite written him off, but this area of the bar is really beginning to reek of desperation.

Although it's lovely when someone is interested in you, eagerness is a whole different ball game. A guy who is too eager for a date seems desperate, and it's as if he'd be willing to settle for anyone - which means you're no longer special. What started as a promising exchange ends up being a rejection (by me) that leaves me glancing over my shoulder for the rest of the evening.

One of the Guys Part II

This is a guest blog by a close male friend of mine. I asked him for his advice on how I could ensure I'm a cool girl the next time I hang out with the guys. He had some great advice - read on!

So, as a guy, when deciding whether or not a girl is welcome out with the boys (cool enough to hang? So 90’s…), I think most people work off of some variation of the chill scale. Here’s a quick idea of what the scale should look like:

Mad Chill = Always welcome out with the boys, no questions asked

Chill = Depending on where we’re going and with whom, she might be welcomed

Not Chill = Why are we even discussing her? I thought the question was what makes a chick “chill” not Straight Up Beeyatches for 500

Okay, so we’re good with the scale, right? Okay, great. Next, guys are genetically similar to dogs. It’s a proven fact. We’re pack animals with our own sets of social rules and a special emphasis on the importance of food, drink, sleep and, well, other more base pursuits. Yes, more base than food, drink, and sleep. Please use your imagination. We do have alpha males, and although some of us might be wolves, and other might be Chihuahuas, we’re all part of the pack…. At the end of the day, it always breaks down to something like this: either you’re part of the pack, or you‘re on your own; there’s not really a lot of middle ground to be discovered in this theory.

As a pack, its important to have rules to keep people in line. Here are the rules, in my estimation, as they apply to chicks who want to run with the pack.

Judge Not, Lest She Shall be Judged (to not be Chill)

When you’re out with the guys, you are likely not going to be in control of the itinerary (read: you won’t get to decide where we go and when). Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to tag along, or even be extremely excited about where we’re going. Feeling this way is forgivable and we can work through it, however, faked enthusiasm will earn you full points. And really, who knows, it might end up being more fun than it sounds. The cardinal sin here is spending a half an hour on your soapbox pointing out how stupid, nonsensical, flawed or boring the plan sounds. If the guys don’t already know this about the plan, it isn’t going to make them happier to hear it from you. The best thing you can do is take off your thinking cap, suck it up and join the group. There’ll be more than enough time to decide it was a bad (or great) idea the next morning. J (Special exceptions to be made for things that are illegal, immoral, or both with a high likelihood of being caught. For example, if the boys decide they’re all going to the rub and tug for happy endings, it might be okay to point out that this you are still a girl and that this idea doesn’t really work all that well for you. Any group of guys that overlooks this likely needs a reminder or a bop on the collective nose with a newspaper.)

Burgers For the Boys!

Remember when I said that food and drink held a special importance in the realm of male? Yeah, well, they do. Everyone definitely has their own favourite food or preferred place to eat, but males are quickly and easily able to compromise and agree upon the lowest common denominator (in this case, somewhere we can all bear to eat). In my experience, this might be anything, but it’s often meat with stuff on top of it between slices of bread (yup, submarine or burger, but Tacos could work in a pinch). With such a beautiful system in place, no guy wants the unexpected hiccup of pickiness, prissiness, or vegetarianism (we do care, just not enough to let it ruin the system). The truly Chill chick will sit down, “man” up, and deal with whatever the pack has decided is the best option. I once had a friend (no longer a friend) who truly didn’t get this. She was experimenting in being a vegetarian, and it led to the following things:

Long drives looking for places to eat

More sushi and salad than any reasonable man could take (and I LOVE sushi)

The realization that this wasn’t fun and friends can be replaced

A truly Chill girl eating out with the boys will consume just about anything, do a little better than that on the drinking front, not mention how this will make her so fat, and definitely not spend the entire meal complaining about how nothing is the way she wants it to be. Social eating etiquette 101 - go ask a dog about it. If you can master eating with the pack, you’re well on your way to being Chill.

Welcome to the Beach! Try not to act like sand…

If a group of guys welcomes you out with them to a magical place where they possibility exists for, ummm, night’s end “smushing”, this means that you’re more to them than just sand at the beach. With this in mind, the Chill chick wouldn’t dream of trivializing or jeopardizing this with any show of jealousy or negativity. Look at it this way, if you were really the right catch for any of the “him”s, why would he have gone back out fish? With this in your pocket, you’re free and open to be objective and impartial, offering valuable advice and tips (“oooh, she’s cute” OR “Yikes, its grenade central at 3 o’clock… recalibrate for 70 degrees northwest, there’s a drunk nest of slutty, low maintenance chicks”).

To close, the consummate Chill chick is not just a girl out with the guys, but a second viewpoint, an instruction manual, a cheat sheet and worth more than any single bar conquest. Chicks on the scene cum and go (or not), but chicks that are Mad Chill are welcomed into the pack as an equal. Have your fun, hunt your own wolves (or dogs, but hopefully not Chihuahuas) and know how awesome it can be if you only embrace your place in the amazing social world of… the pack.

One of the Guys

How does a girl hang out with a group of guys and be cool, not wreck their night out, and maintain some element of girliness? This is the question that's been plaguing me (and everyone I know, thanks to me) for weeks.

I often find myself in the lucky situation where I'm the only girl out for a night on the town - no complaints here as it's usually with a group of fun, cute, platonic male friends. Some of my best nights have been when I've crashed guys' night out. I can drink with them, eat junk food like them and I love watching sports, which usually covers off the activities in a night out.

The biggest challenge is to be one of the guys while maintaining some semblance of femininity and hotness. Although I've never sought out feedback on my success with this, I think I do a pretty good job of being one of the guys.

In my opinion, the most important thing is getting ready quickly. Although this sounds like a small thing, this is especially important when it's an out-of-town adventure. The last thing I want is for five guys to be hanging out in the hotel lobby waiting for me to curl my hair, fuming because if it weren't for me they'd be on their second beer by now.

It's also important to 'be down for whatever'. Guys don't usually have a full plan for the night ahead, but I've come to realize that this randomness often makes for the best nights.

Finally, I try my best to avoid jealousy at all costs. After all I know we're just friends. When the guys are hitting on girls, I turn my attention to the other men in the room. Or I have been known to provide my two cents on the girls' outfits when asked.

It is always nice to get some male attention, so I do try my best to look good when choosing my outfits. After all I don't want to be mistaken for one of the guys!

I have enlisted the help of several friends as I tackle this question - watch for more to come on this topic!

A Fine Line: Desirable vs. Desperate

Let me set the scene: A group of cute girls get dressed up, trying to find the perfect cross between skank and pretty. Maybe a short skirt with a more conservative top will work. They have some drinks and get each other pumped up for the night. Yes you do all look pretty, no your stomach doesn't look fat and yes your hair is sexy with curls. You reassure each other that you will all meet tons of great guys tonight.
Get to the club, do a couple shots, and walk the bar to scope things out. Start dancing and everyone is feeling great. Something switches (maybe it's the small hand moving to 1) and it's a few drinks and many songs later, the dancing is more off-balance and scandalous and the pickings are fewer. The legit couples have called it a night, more singles have paired off and those who haven't are wasted and desperate.
The 2 o'clock shuffle begins and those who are scared of spending the night alone throw out their standards and join forces. Maybe it's an issue of timing, of drinking or scandalous dancing, but there's always a point in the night when the confident, fun, desirable girl who walked in the club becomes the desperate single.

Mixer

One of my favourite dating shows employs 'mixers' to introduce the matchmaking clients with their potential dates. Basically a 'mixer' is a cocktail party where people have a chance to chat and get to know each other in an informal and low-pressure situation. The biggest benefit versus a traditional blind date or set-up is that you don't have to suffer through a dinner date with a complete stranger who you know is not a match for you ten minutes after shaking his hand.

I've decided that I'm going to throw my own version of a mixer, so look for your invite soon. There are a few reasons I want to throw the party, and I already have the perfect location picked out!

- I love parties

- I have many single friends who don't know each other and could potentially hit it off

- My single friends are hot, fun, smart and all-around great catches

- I enjoy getting many friends and acquaintances from different circles together in one room

- This will make for a great chapter in my book

Valentine's Day for Singles

Valentine's Day has traditionally been viewed as a bitter, trying event for single people. How I understand it though, is that those without a lover seem to band together, creating one of the best party nights of the year. No longer is it a night for sitting at home crying into a carton of ice cream - for single people it's an excuse for a girls' dinner, several bottles of wine or a great night out with all your single friends.
It can also be a great reason to hang out with that guy you've been eyeing - using the excuse that you don't want to be alone on such a horrifically romantic day. My last relationship started for this very reason - the supposed embarrassment or fear of being lonely on Feb 14th was the best way to make the move from acquaintance to date. I say the decades of being the sad single woman alone on V-day are over - this could quite possibly be the best night of the year, and when I was out last night part of me wanted to join in.

Sloppiness

We all like to party - me as much as the next girl. We also all like to look great, be polished, and have our act together. Too often, these things do not go together. Sure, there are occasions that call for sloppy drunkenness - this weekend may be one for me. Whether these are sporting events or big celebrations, they're a normal (and fun) part of life. However, for the remaining (many) weeks of the year, partying with some self-control is key to being a sexy girl.
Drunk girls are not hot, they're just easy targets. Think of those nights you've been out and stayed sober - are you jealous of that girl next to you at the bathroom sink, with mascara under her eyes, her shirt 2 inches too low, as she stumbles to the hand dryer with toilet paper stuck to her stiletto? Probably not so hot.

Not to mention, all the other downsides of extreme drunkenness:

• If you do meet someone worth chatting up, chances are you won't be able to converse in a way that portrays just how fabulous and fun you are.
• There's a 90% chance you'll get overly emotional and end the night by crying and/or saying regrettable things to those with you and reachable by cell phone.
• All that effort you put into getting ready for the bar is wasted - your hair is now a rat's nest, your makeup is on every part of your face EXCEPT your eyelids, and your shoes are in your hands.

When you see things my way, maybe next time you'll think about switching up your 7th G&T for a water.