This is a guest blog by a close male friend of mine. I asked him for his advice on how I could ensure I'm a cool girl the next time I hang out with the guys. He had some great advice - read on!
So, as a guy, when deciding whether or not a girl is welcome out with the boys (cool enough to hang? So 90’s…), I think most people work off of some variation of the chill scale. Here’s a quick idea of what the scale should look like:
Mad Chill = Always welcome out with the boys, no questions asked
Chill = Depending on where we’re going and with whom, she might be welcomed
Not Chill = Why are we even discussing her? I thought the question was what makes a chick “chill” not Straight Up Beeyatches for 500
Okay, so we’re good with the scale, right? Okay, great. Next, guys are genetically similar to dogs. It’s a proven fact. We’re pack animals with our own sets of social rules and a special emphasis on the importance of food, drink, sleep and, well, other more base pursuits. Yes, more base than food, drink, and sleep. Please use your imagination. We do have alpha males, and although some of us might be wolves, and other might be Chihuahuas, we’re all part of the pack…. At the end of the day, it always breaks down to something like this: either you’re part of the pack, or you‘re on your own; there’s not really a lot of middle ground to be discovered in this theory.
As a pack, its important to have rules to keep people in line. Here are the rules, in my estimation, as they apply to chicks who want to run with the pack.
Judge Not, Lest She Shall be Judged (to not be Chill)
When you’re out with the guys, you are likely not going to be in control of the itinerary (read: you won’t get to decide where we go and when). Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to tag along, or even be extremely excited about where we’re going. Feeling this way is forgivable and we can work through it, however, faked enthusiasm will earn you full points. And really, who knows, it might end up being more fun than it sounds. The cardinal sin here is spending a half an hour on your soapbox pointing out how stupid, nonsensical, flawed or boring the plan sounds. If the guys don’t already know this about the plan, it isn’t going to make them happier to hear it from you. The best thing you can do is take off your thinking cap, suck it up and join the group. There’ll be more than enough time to decide it was a bad (or great) idea the next morning. J (Special exceptions to be made for things that are illegal, immoral, or both with a high likelihood of being caught. For example, if the boys decide they’re all going to the rub and tug for happy endings, it might be okay to point out that this you are still a girl and that this idea doesn’t really work all that well for you. Any group of guys that overlooks this likely needs a reminder or a bop on the collective nose with a newspaper.)
Burgers For the Boys!
Remember when I said that food and drink held a special importance in the realm of male? Yeah, well, they do. Everyone definitely has their own favourite food or preferred place to eat, but males are quickly and easily able to compromise and agree upon the lowest common denominator (in this case, somewhere we can all bear to eat). In my experience, this might be anything, but it’s often meat with stuff on top of it between slices of bread (yup, submarine or burger, but Tacos could work in a pinch). With such a beautiful system in place, no guy wants the unexpected hiccup of pickiness, prissiness, or vegetarianism (we do care, just not enough to let it ruin the system). The truly Chill chick will sit down, “man” up, and deal with whatever the pack has decided is the best option. I once had a friend (no longer a friend) who truly didn’t get this. She was experimenting in being a vegetarian, and it led to the following things:
Long drives looking for places to eat
More sushi and salad than any reasonable man could take (and I LOVE sushi)
The realization that this wasn’t fun and friends can be replaced
A truly Chill girl eating out with the boys will consume just about anything, do a little better than that on the drinking front, not mention how this will make her so fat, and definitely not spend the entire meal complaining about how nothing is the way she wants it to be. Social eating etiquette 101 - go ask a dog about it. If you can master eating with the pack, you’re well on your way to being Chill.
Welcome to the Beach! Try not to act like sand…
If a group of guys welcomes you out with them to a magical place where they possibility exists for, ummm, night’s end “smushing”, this means that you’re more to them than just sand at the beach. With this in mind, the Chill chick wouldn’t dream of trivializing or jeopardizing this with any show of jealousy or negativity. Look at it this way, if you were really the right catch for any of the “him”s, why would he have gone back out fish? With this in your pocket, you’re free and open to be objective and impartial, offering valuable advice and tips (“oooh, she’s cute” OR “Yikes, its grenade central at 3 o’clock… recalibrate for 70 degrees northwest, there’s a drunk nest of slutty, low maintenance chicks”).
To close, the consummate Chill chick is not just a girl out with the guys, but a second viewpoint, an instruction manual, a cheat sheet and worth more than any single bar conquest. Chicks on the scene cum and go (or not), but chicks that are Mad Chill are welcomed into the pack as an equal. Have your fun, hunt your own wolves (or dogs, but hopefully not Chihuahuas) and know how awesome it can be if you only embrace your place in the amazing social world of… the pack.
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