Drunk Texting...Never A Good Idea

When you are drinking and decide to send a message or make a phone call, it can mean major regret the next day. Waking up and reviewing my outgoing messages can be a painful activity, and it always leads to me wanting to send a follow-up message. I want to reassure the recipient that I was not in the best state of mind and I might even ask that he delete my message or voicemail.

Do I risk seeming needy and possibly crazy by sending two messages before he has responded to my first, just to try to to explain the circumstances of the evening prior? It does seem a bit much, but the other option is to sit around waiting for a response worrying that it will be a negative one, or even worse, that I'll get no response at all.

I think the best solution is for someone to (please!) take my phone away from me when I get to drink number three.

Waiting, Doubting

I have learned the lessons of He's Just Not That Into You, and I understand that if a guy really likes you, he'll make the effort to find you and ask you out. Even though I'm well-versed in this area, I've always found it tough to sit around waiting for a guy to make a move, and especially to trust that a guy will make a move. I guess I don't give them, or myself, enough credit, but I often feel like nothing will come of a first encounter unless I take charge of the situation.
Many women believe that taking things into their own hands is the right way to approach dating. Unfortunately, being the first to call or message a guy means you are putting yourself out there, and then leaving the ball in their court. Once that first message is left hanging in the air between you, there's not much else you can do without seeming a desperate stalker. Although I convince myself it's best to be proactive in dating, I end up being much more doubtful of myself after getting no return message. I would have been better off risking my chances and waiting for them to reach out. At least then I could have convinced myself that I was impossible to track down.

A Fine Line: Desirable vs. Desperate

Let me set the scene: A group of cute girls get dressed up, trying to find the perfect cross between skank and pretty. Maybe a short skirt with a more conservative top will work. They have some drinks and get each other pumped up for the night. Yes you do all look pretty, no your stomach doesn't look fat and yes your hair is sexy with curls. You reassure each other that you will all meet tons of great guys tonight.
Get to the club, do a couple shots, and walk the bar to scope things out. Start dancing and everyone is feeling great. Something switches (maybe it's the small hand moving to 1) and it's a few drinks and many songs later, the dancing is more off-balance and scandalous and the pickings are fewer. The legit couples have called it a night, more singles have paired off and those who haven't are wasted and desperate.
The 2 o'clock shuffle begins and those who are scared of spending the night alone throw out their standards and join forces. Maybe it's an issue of timing, of drinking or scandalous dancing, but there's always a point in the night when the confident, fun, desirable girl who walked in the club becomes the desperate single.

Coffee Date

There are an unusually large number of young, attractive, potentially available people at downtown Starbucks throughout a day. I'm sure this is why so many people in Toronto go there to "read" or "write". The turnover is also so quick that you could find yourself sharing a table with several attractive men in the span of an hour.

I always hear stories of people meeting a cute stranger at Starbucks. The other day I spent an hour at a downtown location waiting to meet a friend, and a cute guy sat in the comfy chair across from me. Although a few furtive glances were exchanged we continued focusing on our respective activities until he left 20 minutes later.

It got me wondering - how do you make the move to start talking with a stranger? Gone are the days of asking for the time (I had my phone in my hand) and I don't smoke so no asking for a light outside. The chairs were spaced quite far apart so although we could have made great eye contact, we would have been near yelling to hear each other. In the past I have commented on a guy's book if it's something I recognize, but in this case I don't know how to pronounce Sudoku, let alone complete one.

I guess I'll have to work on my small talk, develop some questions about the 'area' (could I ask for directions?) and improve my eyelash batting. Yes, maybe that will work.

Closing Time

A few years ago I was totally hung up about never wanting a good night out to end. I think most of that anxiousness is due to years of build-up and anticipation for attending clubs - when it finally happened I couldn't get enough. I always felt like the night didn't get good until close to 1am, and we had to be home by 2am so that didn't make much of a night.
When I got a bit older the after-parties were the best part of my Saturday. This might have been a group outing to Perkins or someone's place nearby. Often the after party was in the guy of the moment's basement, followed by a walk (or taxi ride) of shame a few hours later. Several times I ended up in sticky situations because I didn't want the night to end. More than once, I decided to head with a friend to a post-bar party with a few guys rather than call it a night with the reassurance that I'd be back at the bar in a week. I was lucky that nothing bad ever happened, but I know that my enthusiasm for continuing a great night put me in some sticky situations to say the least. I've learned that rarely does anything better happen after 2am, especially when you don't know your fellow partiers' last names.

Sign-up

This weekend is a free sign-up weekend on a popular online dating site. I presume that you sign-up for free, get to experience and enjoy the site for the weekend, and then in order to continue contacting people you have to pay for a month or more. I really like the idea of the essentially no-risk sign-up promotion and I think people should take advantage of these offers more freely. You avoid (most of) the sleaziness of a free site while not paying until you're sure you are impressed.

Anyone who wants to take advantage of this latest offer, please let me know - I'd love to help support you when the time comes to pay, in exchange for allowing me to follow your dating ups and downs. Not only will this make great book material but I'll be able to turn the experience into great advice for women around the globe.

Average

I am convinced that there are thousands of average single girls out there, and frankly it worries me a bit. What do I mean by average? It's nothing bad, not at all. In fact, average is just what it means - the norm. Average girls are good looking but not head-turning hot, fun and friendly but not the life of the party. I know a lot of girls who fall into this category, and they're great girls who deserve nothing but love and happiness.
Surprisingly, or maybe not so, a lot of these girls are single. Men want that superstar woman - either smokin' hot or the loudest party girl in the bar (or I'm sure both is preferable to them). It seems that very unstylish or quiet, reserved people seem to match up - they know what 'group' they belong to and what they want. On the other side of the coin the unbelievably good looking pair-up to ensure the population is replenished with Godliness. That leaves the average. Unfortunately men don't seem to understand that an average girl, although often not as flashy, can be very special and sparkly in her own way.

Last Resort

The other night I was at the subway station after work, walking down the quieter-than-usual platform, when I noticed a cute guy standing alone. He was travelling the opposite direction to me, and I'm not someone to start convos with random men, so our encounter ended before it began. He was around 5'8" if I'm being generous, and he had shaved his obviously receding hair. Not so appealing? Nonetheless he was well-dressed and had a cute face. What struck me at that moment was that I check out guys who are supposedly bottom-of-the-barrel to other women. Most women refuse to even meet men who are under a certain height, maybe 5'10" (I'm short so I have a reverse height requirement) and a full head of hair usually tops the requirements list.
I figure if I'm back on the market in the future I should have no problem meeting someone who meets MY requirements, since all other women are shooing those same guys away.

It's Warm Outside!

When the weather starts to warm up I feel like the single life is the way to go. Everyone comes out of their hibernating states and people are dressing more attractively (think leather jackets and blazers instead of down coats and toques), making the casual 'bump into' way more likely to happen. Think about those nights after work in the winter when you're supposed to go out with friends or meet a date, and you can't be bothered to trudge through the blizzard that's happening outside your office. Now reconsider that on a warm night where all you have to do is throw on a sweater and you can even wear your pumps! Girls, I know you feel me on this. Meeting up for drinks at a chic place in your Uggs or Wellies just isn't the same.
And it goes without saying that warmer weather = increased construction = more construction workers. Hot.
Obviously a few weeks of pre-mature spring weather isn't worth a break-up, but I think things are looking up for the single peeps out there.

Single and Proud of It...Most of the Time

I honestly think that 75% of my Facebook news feeds are taken up by announcements of engagements, upcoming wedding socials (aka Stag and Doe if you're from ON) and dress fittings. I suppose this is a lot better than sad announcements of divorce and break-ups, but after a while I start to wonder if people celebrate anything else any more.
I don't like to consider myself a bitter aging girl...but at times I feel like it. Have I finally hit that point in my life where the only question people will ask me upon return trips to Winnipeg is 'So when are you getting engaged?' or 'Let me see your finger'? I am proud of the life that I have built for myself in a new city - and my Facebook updates celebrate birthdays, condo purchases and job promotions. But it's a far way in the future that it will announce an engagement. So far that Facebook will be on it's 35th model with an even more confusing layout and the computers will read our minds so we don't have to use our fingers...OK I digress...but you get my point.
Although being single is the right thing for me now, my biggest worry is that this difference will separate my married/engaged friends and I even further than our physical distance across Canada has.