Mothers

This morning I spent a few hours (torturing myself) thinking about mothers of ex-boyfriends. I'm not sure where this came from but I realized that I have dated several guys with mothers who either a) were beyotches b) disliked me or c) went really out of their way to make me uncomfortable or d) all of the above. I'm fine with the fact that they may have been unfriendly (cruel) people, or even with the idea that they didn't like me, although I can't really pinpoint what would have caused that feeling.
What is frustrating about these mothers is:
1. I stressed out so much about whether they liked me. Funny when I think about it now because who cares if the mother of your 18-year-old boyfriend approves of you? Chances are you won't be getting married or even move in together, and if she doesn't like you that means you won't have to suffer through awkward family events that always prove embarrassing for both you and your BF. I wish I could go back to those days and take back all the effort spent trying to impress these impossible mothers.
2. I was a great girlfriend, especially to these particular guys. I was a good student, had one or two part-time jobs, was polite and friendly and very much into the guys. I helped them with their classes, encouraged them to get their lives together and in a few cases I was the reason they stopped drinking/smoking/generally wasting their lives. It's so ridiculous now that I think of it - some of these guys couldn't hold down a job or pass a university course, and I was the one getting attitude from their moms?
I wonder how they treat their sons' current love interests (or maybe wives...not sure if any of these guys are married...). My bet would be no better - some people are just impossible. I'm just happy it's no longer my concern.

Shacking Up

I took one of the biggest steps of my life last month and moved in with my BF. That sounds like an exaggeration but it definitely ranks up there with the other big moments in my 26 years - quitting gymnastics, starting university, moving to TO.
It's going really well although I know it's still early. We have both been ultra-considerate and helpful - think "don't worry, I'll do the dishes tonight" - almost as if we're both afraid of driving the other person away. I picture us standing on opposite sides of a large swimming pool, sticking our toes in the water, afraid to create any big waves.
I often laugh to myself, picturing how drastically different my blog posts could be a year in the future. They could focus on our non-stop arguing and how he won't get off his butt to even offer to do the dishes. I really hope it doesn't come to that (I hope I would kick him out before that) but regardless I'm enjoying this calm, happy and polite stage of things.

Ikea

I'm pretty sure Ikea was introduced to North America for the sole purpose of causing fights between couples here. Think about it - Ikea has all the makings of a disastrous torture situation:
- There are always a ton of people there, just way too many for the amount of walking space available.
- Decisions must be made. You've most likely travelled a decent distance to get there and it seems a waste to go home empty-handed. It's not like you can just 'pop in' on your way home from work tomorrow.
- Money is discussed - often a lot of money is thrown around at Ikea. You're probably not going all the way there for a few candles only. Suddenly couples are facing a substantial purchase of $300+, maybe for the first time.
- We all know how most guys feel about shopping.
If you have to go, don't go on a Saturday, have as much fun as you can, and if you have a BF who will stomach the store for more than 10 minutes, he's a keeper.

Online Dating

The wonders of technology make hundreds of men available to you with the touch of a button. Instead of spending time meeting guys and committing hours and days to getting to know what they're all about, you can quickly weed people out with your index finger. There are obviously negatives about online dating (like the creepos) but if you treat it right it can be a successful and exciting activity.
A couple ground rules that I have developed:
Everyone assumes you're chatting with multiple people at once - the guy you're chatting with is, and you should be too.
You don't have to share your life story with everyone you chat with. Keep things light and keep track who you tell what to. Maintain a list if you need to, or better yet, maintain a standard 'story' that you share with everyone, maybe the basic details of your life, and don't move past that until the relationship progresses.
Let the guy lead the way. Sure it's cool to contact someone you find attractive or interesting, but let them send the majority of messages and initiate the conversation. I know I sound like an advice columnist from 1962, but this again will keep it easier to remember who is who while you're talking to a few guys, and makes sure you know who is really interested.
Don't get too involved after a few conversations - meet up, get to know them, have many many phone conversations before moving forward.
Cast your net wide - this is your chance to meet people you wouldn't encounter in 'normal' life, or you might not normally be attracted to. Spending 5 minutes on a conversation with someone who doesn't work out is a lot different than suffering through dinner and a movie.
I'm obviously no expert, but we have many options for dating, especially when we compare to the methods our moms and grandmas were forced to use. With the increase of technology we also have to deal with the negatives - sketchy guys, increased competition, reliance on technology and 'fake' relationships. But if you know how to play the game, I'm confident you'll have a full calendar and an over-flowing inbox.

Jealousy

As women we're supposed to be happy for one another - 100% supportive, happy for our friends when something great comes their way. We always say we're there through everything - thick and thin - but are we really there during the good times? Like really there?
It's always easier to be supportive when our friends are down about something. If we're really honest with ourselves, we're better listeners when they're complaining or crying than when they're gloating or telling us about their great new promotion. If we're really happy with ourselves we can be happy for our friends though.
I finally feel like I'm satisfied enough with my life (and the parts I'm not happy with are my responsibility to change) that I can be genuinely happy for my friends. Sure they might make more money than me, be in better shape, get married years ahead of me or live in nicer homes, but I've consciously chosen my lifestyle and it's my job to be happy and supportive for them. It's also my job to look at myself and figure out why I'm feeling so envious - what is missing in MY life?

What Changed?

How come a guy will totally disappear from the scene after a few seemingly successful dates? So many times I have watched friends spend significant time with a guy, where they'll hang out two, three or even four days in one week, and things seem to be going amazingly well. I've witnessed this situation both with fast-paced sexual activity and none at all. All of a sudden, the guy is so hard to reach we're questioning whether he moved to Antarctica.
I think sometimes guys get scared off. Perhaps they have started to develop feelings for the girl and it is unnerving within such a short period. More likely though, I think the reason behind the cold feet is the girl suddenly seems to easily obtainable. We think the guys are really into us and want to hang out all the time, but maybe their "Sure, you can come over if you want" is not really an invitation. If girls jump at the last-minute ask or off-hand mention of meeting up somewhere a few times, it makes them seem desperate and the challenge is gone. What we mistaken for a true connection and the beginning of a relationship might also be a guy getting annoyed with our quirks or simply wanting some alone time.

A Revelation

I had a revelation last night - it doesn't matter if some people don't like me. My parents tried to teach me this lesson as a child, but I have continued to get sucked into worrying about other peoples' opinions of me. I do care that my family and close friends, people who I respect and love, like me and think highly of me. But others, people who I may or may not meet again, why should I stress out over their feelings? I know I'm a good person; I care about others, volunteer my time, buy good Christmas presents and work hard at my relationships. If people I meet don't appreciate that, my life will go on. I guess I have to come to terms with the idea that not everyone is destined to be a member of the I Heart Dani club.