Cheating

I dated a guy who cheated. It sucked. I am still dealing with issues related to that relationship now, and when I think back to it, I wish I had never gone within 10 feet of the guy. Sometimes I feel like cheating is really common-place in today's dating world. You hear gossipy tales of boys (or girls) who have cheated, hear about couples that are working through thousands of dollars of psychiatry bills getting over a cheating spouse, or see a stressed out girl who is wondering where her BF could be and why he hasn't called yet. It's one of the biggest stressors of relationships, and often girls end up ruining a good relationship because of paranoid thoughts, instead of the actual happenings of the past month (year).
Rather than stressing about what he's up to, if he's cheating, or if he could possibly cheat one day down the road, just tell yourself that you won't put up with cheating - that you'll walk out the door the minute a reliable source confirms the sketchy behaviour - no matter what else is going on. Once you confirm this with yourself, you'll be able to relax. Because you can't stop it - if a guy's a dirty dog he's a dirty dog, it's going to happen eventually. And honestly, if a guy cheats, you don't want anything to do with him. You will know that you can move on and be that much stronger for making the right decision. Phewf, that's a huge weight off your chest!

The Dating Life of my Exes

I have a lot of ex-BF's who are single. Not in a bit of a dating funk, more like they've barely dated since we broke up. In some cases we broke up more than 5 years ago. It just struck me as odd today when I (for whatever reason) started thinking about it - I wonder why this is. Here are some of the theories I concocted on my subway ride home:

• They can't get over me (you knew this was coming...), and cannot find anyone to compete with how amazing and perfect for them they thought I was.
• I scarred them enough that they're taking things verrrrry slowly before getting into another relationship. I have in fact heard one of these exes tell me that he thought girls were the devil (post-relationship), so this seems to be the more likely scenario.
• They're really picky. I do believe this is true in at least one of the cases, and in this case by picky I mean they have a way over-inflated view of themselves and believe no girl is good enough even though that's wrong. Not that I'm bitter.
• But really, they're picky. For the most part I think guys that remain single for a long time know what they're looking for and will not settle for anything less. Not necessarily a bad thing, but probably makes their bed pretty lonely on those long winter nights.

Your guess is as good as mine when it comes to why I was even thinking about this today, but thought it would be good for a laugh.

PDAs

Public Displays of Affection seem to be an chat-worthy subject for most people. I've discussed the merits of PDAs, heard many complaints about them, experienced it myself, and witnessed many many examples of it in all parts of the world, with people of all ages. Women seem to be the most passionate about PDAs and have varied and strong views on what is and isn't acceptable.
Those of you who have spent time with my BF and me know that we're quite affectionate in public, something which was very NOT me a few years ago. I blame a lot of it on him and his culture and background, where families cheek kiss every time they enter a room! Regardless of the reasons, I have come to love this added touching and affection in my life - I think people were meant to hug and touch (I'm talking G rated touching here...) when they care about each other. However, I know that a lot of people don't feel this way, and are especially put off by PDAs.
I've spent time trying to figure out what it is exactly that bothers people about PDAs. Sure - if the couple is getting very graphic it's just downright get-a-room uncomfortable to witness. But what's the harm in a few small kisses or some hand-holding? Do I dare think that people are just jealous? I can understand this if you're in a tough drought or more importantly going through/recovering from a particularly hard break-up - definitely hard to watch a happy couple together. Or do people in Canada really just dislike touching in general and think it's unnecessary outside of the bedroom/couch?
I have had my feelings hurt a few times when people have made comments about my BF kissing me in public, and to be honest, when we first began dating I was a bit embarrassed by it too. I see people giving other affectionate couples the evil eye all pretty much everyday, and I feel bad for them (and smile at how happy the couple is). I would have hoped that friends out there would be happier for their girl being with a nice guy who's willing to show how much he cares about them, rather than visually show their frustration. If it's really a problem, please let the PDA-ers know, but maybe spend a minute asking yourself why it's really such a bother to you.
I'm totally open to comments on this post - I know there are more than a few people out there who probably do not agree me.

Drama

Girls love to hear stories of drama involving other girls, even their friends. In my opinion, most girls especially thrive (perhaps secretly) off hearing stories of contemporaries having boyfriend issues. This doesn't really create a supportive 'girl power' network, but instead has girls quietly cheering to themselves, or perking up to eavesdrop on a nearby conversation. I've figured out two probable theories to explain this semi-brutal girl habit: 1) Girls love the satisfaction and reassurance of knowing that other girls are having boyfriend issues, that their relationship isn't the only one that's difficult or imperfect and 2) Stories of girl drama are much more interesting than stories of happy, friendly day-to-day girl activities. Most girls I know have at least a few minutes a day of craziness - crazy thoughts, bad decisions, or random actions. It's always nice to know that you're not alone in your craziness.

Negativity

I have a few friends who are great friends to vent to. We can spend hours on end complaining (mostly about work or maybe about other people), fueling each other on to get to depths of negativity (and bitchiness) that I didn't know existed. The problem with these people is that they're downers. While I like to go off about things that bother me once in a while, they seem to be perpetually set to 'Rant'. In recent months I've been making an effort to keep a positive outlook on life, especially with regards to my job. When I spend more than a few minutes with these people however, I find that I start to feel really down about things as well - it doesn't take long to get sucked in to that way of thinking! I become critical of others, pessimistic about future outlooks or find the bad in things that originally excited me. Recently I have distanced myself from these negative people, and instead have started to really value those close to me who can put a positive spin on things while remaining realistic.

Compromises

When you're in a relationship you have to compromise, especially when it comes to family. It's not fair to complain non-stop about their family or refuse to join in on family events. I hear girls complain about this stuff too often. Getting close to someone means getting close with their family, and the way I see it is you're on the right track if they invite you to family events, holiday dinners, etc. All too often girls lose sleep over the fact that their BF's family hates them, so you're miles ahead if you get along with them. It drives me nuts when people agree to attend the other's holiday events, just to complain non-stop about it. Obviously those family traditions are going to differ from yours (and your family probably seems kinda wacky to them). Maybe your BF has a large family, maybe they have a more religious tone to their gatherings, or maybe his mom has attitude. Whatever it is, when you say "Yes honey, I'll go to Thanksgiving dinner with your family" you better be prepared to keep your comments to yourself and smile and act sweet. After all, you only have to deal with it for a day or two.

Trust Your Heart

I tend to over-analyze a lot of things, as do most girls I know. In fact, a big part of my current job is analytics - what can I say, I'm good at it! As I've got older, I've stopped analyzing every single move that a guy makes in a relationship, but I still spend too much time fretting over decisions (the bigger, the better). When I first considering living co-habitually with my BF, I had elaborate ideas of a test-run, many ground rules, advice from every possible person and umpteen ways to cover my butt should the situation turn sour. If I had had my way originally, I would probably have a month-long test run, then have him keep his place for another 6 months 'just in case'.
Not to say that you shouldn't watch out for your own well-being, but there's only so much in life that you can plan for. I fretted about the decision for a few months, but recently I began to feel very comfortable and excited by the idea - you could say it felt good in my heart, that was what sealed the deal for me. I'm still making sure I'm looked-after in the deal, but I'm up for whatever happens. Too often people don't put enough stock in their feelings and 'gut instinct', which is often the most telling thing in new situations.