Why You Should Never Change Plans for a Guy

Here's a fun little story taken straight from my life: It begins with me, on Friday morning, asking a guy I'm seeing if he wants to hang out later that night. Here's the conversation and sequence of events that follow:

Him: I'm busy later tonight with some friends but how about breakfast tomorrow?

Me: Sure, I have plans in the afternoon so it will have to be early.

Him: Sounds great, blah blah blah, I'll come to your neighbourhood, blah blah blah, I'm a nice guy, blah blah I'll be there at 10am

On Friday night I met friends for post-work drinks, and I also had an invite for later that night, but seeing as I had to be up at 9am and wanted to look and feel good, I decide to call it an early night. Granted I was exhausted from the week and wanted the rest, but knowing I had to be up early really solidified my decision. I was actually excited to rise early and meet with him when I went to bed.

2:47am: I am awakened by a text message. And I quote: "Hey I'm jus going to bed, gonna bail on tmrw since there's no way I'm getting up in time. I will def give u a shout tho...super sorry again"

Yes...super sorry again because he's bailed on me before. The last time was on something way more important than a breakfast, but nonetheless bailing 7 hours before just tells me he doesn't care that much. I know guys who would make it to a 10am date if they had only one hour of sleep, just so they could see the girl!

I have other people to see tomorrow and know that my day will still be fun, but I wish I had gone out and danced, drank and partied with my friends last night. I just might have met a cute, reliable guy.

Online Dating

As I'm preparing to dive into the world of online dating I've been pleasantly surprised to find out most of my friends are ready and willing to share stories and advice from their experiences on the world wide web. Some stories are good, many are bad, and all are helpful.

I just couldn't pass up the following message though - below is the actual text from a message that a friend received on a free site:

Hey girl, I don’t know how you did this, but you have me absolutely stumped. I glanced over your profile and you tilted my head you are absolutely beautiful baby girl. I mean, I hope I not being to forward. I don’t want take any chances on ruining something as great as you look and read. Girl. I mean you got me stumped on why you single. I would have a ring on that finger a long time ago. I mean it baby girl, I mean something like you belongs on a dance floor getting twirled You should be made to feel something special. I don’t know what you been dealing with but a gorges face like yours need to feel something special. I mean it you are beautiful baby girl. Wow More about me. Hard working guy who just wants to make something like you know she’s number one and give you something they talk about in books. I can’t give you anything perfect because I am not yet, but neither are you. So what do I got to do to walk into gal’s life like yours just let me know

Inattentiveness

Three weeks ago a guy I'd been out with a few times sent me a cute message on a Saturday afternoon. He was asking how a meeting I had that day went. This was something I had briefly mentioned on the Thursday prior, as an off-hand comment when discussing my weekend plans. I was super impressed that he had a) listened so carefully to my somewhat lame story and b) taken the time to check on how it went.

This past Saturday I moved to my new house, and he didn't even send me a measly text to ask how it went. I heard from him on Sunday, but by then the move was long over and my interest in him was fading fast. True - it didn't make a world of difference - I had many caring friends and family members who phoned or messaged about it, and some wonderful girl friends in the city who picked me up and even lugged my garbage downstairs for me!

I was so surprised - how can he ask about a fairly small event in my life, while this move is all I've been yapping about for a month? It's not like he stood a chance of forgetting about it!

Something tells me he may not be as interested as he was several weeks ago.

Drunk Texting...Never A Good Idea

When you are drinking and decide to send a message or make a phone call, it can mean major regret the next day. Waking up and reviewing my outgoing messages can be a painful activity, and it always leads to me wanting to send a follow-up message. I want to reassure the recipient that I was not in the best state of mind and I might even ask that he delete my message or voicemail.

Do I risk seeming needy and possibly crazy by sending two messages before he has responded to my first, just to try to to explain the circumstances of the evening prior? It does seem a bit much, but the other option is to sit around waiting for a response worrying that it will be a negative one, or even worse, that I'll get no response at all.

I think the best solution is for someone to (please!) take my phone away from me when I get to drink number three.

Change of Heart

When you first begin dating someone, things can change really quickly. One week things can be fun, exciting and full of romantic dates, and the next week the guy doesn't seem so attractive to you, or maybe the he is just nowhere to be found.

This is one of the trickiest things with dating - you never know when your time together will be the last. Because there isn't a lot of depth to your relationship at this point, it doesn't take much for one party to have a change of heart.

Perhaps on your last date you said something that didn't seem like a big deal, but it scared him off. Or maybe you have a great night and he leaves feeling as if you're perfect, but the next day he gets a call from his ex begging for him back. Your three dates can't compete with their months or years together. On Monday you could go for a great dinner, talk on Tuesday and by Friday he could have met someone else. Because there's no commitment at this stage, this is totally allowed, but it still comes as a surprise when it happens to you.

In my opinion the worst thing you can do early on is make plans for more than a week or two in the future. Although it's super tempting, because you like the person and enjoy spending time with them, this just leads to disappointment and potential awkwardness if things don't work out.

I'm not counting on the guy I'm seeing now to be at my birthday in just over a month. Although that sounds harsh, and seems a bit sad right now, I know it's a complete possibility. All you can hope for is that things continue on a good path and if you aren't still dating in the future, that there will be no hard feelings. Otherwise that concert we have tickets for could be a bit awkward...

I Can't Help But Assume...

All too often girls assume that a guy is into them. Here's a familiar situation: A guy approaches me and I think he's coming to chat me up. If I'm uninterested, I will pre-emptively cut him off. But in reality he's actually just trying to reach the bar (which I'm blocking). This situation ends up being mildly embarrassing and pretty funny, no harm done. Sometimes this can prove to be a tough situation though.

What if it's a co-worker? You've exchanged some flirtatious emails, and maybe he's asked you out casually with other friends. Should you assume he's into you? You can't send an email response saying "I like exchanging these emails that build my confidence and pass the time at work, but I'm not into you" unless he's actually made it clear he likes you like that. Another tricky situation is with randoms at bars. If a guy is chatting you up at a bar and you have a BF, at what point should you tell him you're currently attached? Maybe he's just talking with you to pass the time while his buddy is getting your friend's number. If you incorrectly assume he's wheeling you, you not only scare him off but you seem desperate and unapproachable. After all, who doesn't like a little friendly conversation?

I suggest that from here on guys make it extremely clear when they're into girls. Especially if you have another type of relationship - professional or on a friend level. Please put your egos aside and let us be clear on what your intentions are...then we will shoot you down.

Comfort Zone

What happens when a guy invites you to do something out of your comfort zone early in your relationship? Maybe he invites you to go surfing on a second date (assuming you live in Cali) or rock climbing on a third date. It's one thing if you're an avid sportswoman, or you spend your weekends outdoors, but when you're a 'downtown, let's grab a coffee' kind of girl, this can throw you off your game. It's very tricky getting ready for a snowboarding day-trip when you're used to the regular dinner and a movie.

I think it's really nice when men have unique ideas for dates, and if he invites me along on a trip outside of the city (even if it's only a day trip) I take that as a good sign and assume that he enjoys spending time with me.

My upcoming snowboarding trip makes me wish I was super athletic, or at least a trendy snowboarder or a regular exerciser with cute clothes. I am totally confident meeting someone for a drink at a lounge, or attending a football game, but I don't actually participate in sports very often! This weekend I will somehow need to ensure I look good, dress appropriately, appear to be coordinated, and remain upbeat even when I fall on my butt every three turns. The way I see it, this will definitely be a fun day, but it could also be a good test: it's easy to enjoy yourself when you're doing one of your regular, comfortable activities. The people who make you laugh while you're uncomfortable - those are the people you want to surround yourself with.