Saturday, February 13, 2010
Parade of Nations
As I watched the nations march into BC Place last night for the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, I also watched my dating history parade past my eyes. There were the men of my past represented in alphabetical order - Bosnia, Hong Kong, Italy, Jamaica, Lebanon. As my friends were trying to understand where and what Kyrgyzstan is, I was weighing the merits of Middle Eastern men against those from the former Yugoslavia.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Not My Problem
An ex of mine taught me a great lesson - he taught me to utter the phrase "It's not my problem". As rude, inconsiderate and selfish it sounds, this is something every girl should learn to say. The less liberating part of the story is that he used the words on me, when I was having a meltdown late one night.
In typical early-20-something-year-old female fashion, I had a freak-out about his commitment (never outlined or discussed prior to then) to me. Needless to say it was probably not the right conversation to be having...in the location we were in...at 3am. When I explained that I was nervous and maybe (definitely) a bit (a lot) insecure due to my recent ex's infidelities, he replied with the wonderful three words you see here. Not My Problem.
While this surprised me at first, I realized he was so right. I mean, you don't want someone you're sharing your life with to have this response to all of life's challenges, but it IS the right response to an emotional young girl who drank more than 3 cocktails that evening.
It was not his problem that I was sadly insecure and didn't realize how cool I was. It was not his problem that I spent hours of each day wondering why someone like him would date me. It was definitely not his problem that I had dated a few classic slime balls before him.
As we get older and there is SO MUCH baggage to deal with, try using this phrase and I promise you'll feel a bit more liberated. You may want to mutter it to yourself to avoid appearing like a jerk, but in my case, I respect this guy that much more for being honest and teaching me a great lesson.
In typical early-20-something-year-old female fashion, I had a freak-out about his commitment (never outlined or discussed prior to then) to me. Needless to say it was probably not the right conversation to be having...in the location we were in...at 3am. When I explained that I was nervous and maybe (definitely) a bit (a lot) insecure due to my recent ex's infidelities, he replied with the wonderful three words you see here. Not My Problem.
While this surprised me at first, I realized he was so right. I mean, you don't want someone you're sharing your life with to have this response to all of life's challenges, but it IS the right response to an emotional young girl who drank more than 3 cocktails that evening.
It was not his problem that I was sadly insecure and didn't realize how cool I was. It was not his problem that I spent hours of each day wondering why someone like him would date me. It was definitely not his problem that I had dated a few classic slime balls before him.
As we get older and there is SO MUCH baggage to deal with, try using this phrase and I promise you'll feel a bit more liberated. You may want to mutter it to yourself to avoid appearing like a jerk, but in my case, I respect this guy that much more for being honest and teaching me a great lesson.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Update
Please know that I don't pull ALL (or even a lot of) the material from this blog from my own personal circumstances and experience. My BF/roommate is super annoying at times (aren't we all??) but I'm not throwing him out. Thanks for the input as I know people dealing with this issue, or close to dealing with this problem, and in truth any one of us could find ourselves in that tough position in the months or years to come.
So...
I don't want you to live here anymore - how do I say that to someone without totally throwing them out? Boyfriends can move in and it can all be wonderful, but it can be difficult too. I feel like moving in together is a huge life change - you may not be ready to marry someone but living together might seem like the most appropriate next move. Several months or years later, you realize it's not the right thing but maybe you're unsure of how to deal with the situation. Do you have ideas for how to end things without breaking someone's heart? How do you work through a person's quirks without completely ruining them for life?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Mothers
This morning I spent a few hours (torturing myself) thinking about mothers of ex-boyfriends. I'm not sure where this came from but I realized that I have dated several guys with mothers who either a) were beyotches b) disliked me or c) went really out of their way to make me uncomfortable or d) all of the above. I'm fine with the fact that they may have been unfriendly (cruel) people, or even with the idea that they didn't like me, although I can't really pinpoint what would have caused that feeling.
What is frustrating about these mothers is:
1. I stressed out so much about whether they liked me. Funny when I think about it now because who cares if the mother of your 18-year-old boyfriend approves of you? Chances are you won't be getting married or even move in together, and if she doesn't like you that means you won't have to suffer through awkward family events that always prove embarrassing for both you and your BF. I wish I could go back to those days and take back all the effort spent trying to impress these impossible mothers.
2. I was a great girlfriend, especially to these particular guys. I was a good student, had one or two part-time jobs, was polite and friendly and very much into the guys. I helped them with their classes, encouraged them to get their lives together and in a few cases I was the reason they stopped drinking/smoking/generally wasting their lives. It's so ridiculous now that I think of it - some of these guys couldn't hold down a job or pass a university course, and I was the one getting attitude from their moms?
I wonder how they treat their sons' current love interests (or maybe wives...not sure if any of these guys are married...). My bet would be no better - some people are just impossible. I'm just happy it's no longer my concern.
What is frustrating about these mothers is:
1. I stressed out so much about whether they liked me. Funny when I think about it now because who cares if the mother of your 18-year-old boyfriend approves of you? Chances are you won't be getting married or even move in together, and if she doesn't like you that means you won't have to suffer through awkward family events that always prove embarrassing for both you and your BF. I wish I could go back to those days and take back all the effort spent trying to impress these impossible mothers.
2. I was a great girlfriend, especially to these particular guys. I was a good student, had one or two part-time jobs, was polite and friendly and very much into the guys. I helped them with their classes, encouraged them to get their lives together and in a few cases I was the reason they stopped drinking/smoking/generally wasting their lives. It's so ridiculous now that I think of it - some of these guys couldn't hold down a job or pass a university course, and I was the one getting attitude from their moms?
I wonder how they treat their sons' current love interests (or maybe wives...not sure if any of these guys are married...). My bet would be no better - some people are just impossible. I'm just happy it's no longer my concern.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Shacking Up
I took one of the biggest steps of my life last month and moved in with my BF. That sounds like an exaggeration but it definitely ranks up there with the other big moments in my 26 years - quitting gymnastics, starting university, moving to TO.
It's going really well although I know it's still early. We have both been ultra-considerate and helpful - think "don't worry, I'll do the dishes tonight" - almost as if we're both afraid of driving the other person away. I picture us standing on opposite sides of a large swimming pool, sticking our toes in the water, afraid to create any big waves.
I often laugh to myself, picturing how drastically different my blog posts could be a year in the future. They could focus on our non-stop arguing and how he won't get off his butt to even offer to do the dishes. I really hope it doesn't come to that (I hope I would kick him out before that) but regardless I'm enjoying this calm, happy and polite stage of things.
It's going really well although I know it's still early. We have both been ultra-considerate and helpful - think "don't worry, I'll do the dishes tonight" - almost as if we're both afraid of driving the other person away. I picture us standing on opposite sides of a large swimming pool, sticking our toes in the water, afraid to create any big waves.
I often laugh to myself, picturing how drastically different my blog posts could be a year in the future. They could focus on our non-stop arguing and how he won't get off his butt to even offer to do the dishes. I really hope it doesn't come to that (I hope I would kick him out before that) but regardless I'm enjoying this calm, happy and polite stage of things.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Ikea
I'm pretty sure Ikea was introduced to North America for the sole purpose of causing fights between couples here. Think about it - Ikea has all the makings of a disastrous torture situation:
- There are always a ton of people there, just way too many for the amount of walking space available.
- Decisions must be made. You've most likely travelled a decent distance to get there and it seems a waste to go home empty-handed. It's not like you can just 'pop in' on your way home from work tomorrow.
- Money is discussed - often a lot of money is thrown around at Ikea. You're probably not going all the way there for a few candles only. Suddenly couples are facing a substantial purchase of $300+, maybe for the first time.
- We all know how most guys feel about shopping.
If you have to go, don't go on a Saturday, have as much fun as you can, and if you have a BF who will stomach the store for more than 10 minutes, he's a keeper.
- There are always a ton of people there, just way too many for the amount of walking space available.
- Decisions must be made. You've most likely travelled a decent distance to get there and it seems a waste to go home empty-handed. It's not like you can just 'pop in' on your way home from work tomorrow.
- Money is discussed - often a lot of money is thrown around at Ikea. You're probably not going all the way there for a few candles only. Suddenly couples are facing a substantial purchase of $300+, maybe for the first time.
- We all know how most guys feel about shopping.
If you have to go, don't go on a Saturday, have as much fun as you can, and if you have a BF who will stomach the store for more than 10 minutes, he's a keeper.
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