Looking Good

I have wavered on this as of late but I keep reminding myself how important it is to ensure I look good when I leave the house. I'm not talking about spending hours doing my make-up for a quick trip to Rabba, but you never know who you'll run into when you're out and about. I always seem to run into an ex or stand next to a hot guy on the subway when I have no make-up on and I'm wearing my worst pair of jeans. Impromptu after work drinks or last-minute dates always happen on the days I chose to forgo a shower and my hair's a greasy disaster.

I love sweat pants and I happily go out shopping in them. But from now on I'm going to ensure they're cute, flattering sweats, and not my men's size x-small from Wal-mart. Maybe it's a bit of extra mascara or some lip gloss, but when I do run into Mr. Right I want to make sure I can grab his attention - in a positive way!

Seeing an Old Friend

I'm sitting at the bar with a glass of wine, waiting for an old friend to walk through the door. It's been about two years since we've seen each other, and all I can think about is the great chemistry that always existed between us. Nothing ever happened between us...but who knows what tonight will bring.

I wonder what he'll think of me. Do I look fatter than before? Is my hair too blonde or not blonde enough? Am I wearing the right outfit? I went for casual with (what I hope was) some sex appeal...should I have dressed up more? Then there's the bar. So many options in Toronto - Is this a good spot? It's dark-ish and busy, and candlelight always lights up my eyes, so I think it was a good call. But maybe it's too loud, or I look too slouchy since I'm sitting on an awkward bar stool. But then there's the benefits of sitting on bar stools - our knees will inevitably touch and we can lean in to hear each other without a table getting in the way.

I hope he still thinks I'm pretty. I wonder what I'll think of him. Will I still think he's cute, charming, funny? What if we run out of things to talk about 15 minutes after his arrival? What if what if what if...and then he sits down beside me, he jokes about being late and all those crazy thoughts just disappear.

Checking My List

In celebration of the holiday season, I've been checking my own list of sorts. This is also a list of names, but unlike Santa mine focuses on date-ability rather than on behaviour. And everyone on my list is well into adulthood.

When I became single again I felt like there were so many fish in the sea, many of them people I already knew. I still believe there are tons of guys out there, especially in a big city like Toronto, but the people I had initially thought of to be potential dates are quickly running out. It's not like I had anyone lined up, but there were men I have known for years who I thought had potential to become more than friends.

I feel like I'm scanning through the list quite quickly, and coming up empty. Some of the guys have girlfriends now (you snooze you lose), others I just don't like in that way, and the rest are totally not BF material. Funny how the grass is always greener - I had wondered in the past how things would be if I dated these guys, picturing that we would be so compatible. I made the rookie mistake of believing if someone is a good friend they'll be a good BF.

One Two Three Four

I had an interesting discussion with a friend of mine yesterday. He told me that most people who aren't in committed relationships have 3 - 4 people "on the go" at one time. I like that term - on the go - because that's just what it is. It's not dating, it's not even necessarily hanging out. It could be a textual relationship, or someone you email every day at work, or maybe you just flirt when you regularly run into each other at parties. Either way it's someone you have something with, someone your friends know about (even though they probably refer to him by nickname only), and someone you think about from time to time. And yes, many people have 3 - 4 of these relationships on the go at once.

When my friend first told me this I was sceptical - that seems dirty and over-stated. Maybe the hottest girls or the smoothest guys have stats like that, but surely not normal people. Then I thought about it a bit more. In the times I've been single I have definitely had that many guys on the go at once. There was no physical relationship, and to that point there were probably a few of them who I never saw. Today I have what could be considered flirtatious text and email conversations (and don't forget facebook convos...eek) with guys I have no intention of dating, and if I'm honest, I don't even care if I see some of them within the next month or two.

So why do it? It's simple really: it fills a void. A void caused by having no boyfriend, no one to meet you at home after a tough day, no one to share exciting news with, and no one to tell you they miss you/think you're hot/laugh at your jokes. By having someone you can message when it's a slow night at the bar or who checks in on how your weekend went, you don't always notice how much you miss having that special person in your life.

The next time you message a guy who you have no intention of dating, think about how many guys you have on the go this week. You may just surprise yourself.

I Saw The Sign

Five signs that a guy isn't that into you:

• He pushes too aggressively to hook up, continuing even though he knows you feel uncomfortable
• He talks about the 'girl he wants to marry' to you
• He invites other people to join you when you are hanging out
• He goes out with mutual friends and doesn't invite you
• He picks up someone else in front of you

These seem obvious...but how many times have you ignored the signs?

Sleepovers

I like to have sleepovers with boys. And we really just sleep. I enjoy the cuddling and the company and the excitement of spending intimate time with someone. Sleepovers are completely accepted behaviour among girls. If I came home the next day saying I had a one-night stand I may get judged, but in this case girls justify it. After all, it's not like I hooked up, and we dismiss the night by saying 'nothing happened'.
We easily brush off the event, but would I do that with someone if I had a BF at home? Absolutely not! So that should go to show that 'something' happens during sleepovers, even if it is just cuddling!
If nothing physical happened, there are still feelings involved, often more than if you just have sex with someone. Sleeping beside someone, cuddling, talking into the wee hours of the night makes you much closer to someone and feels more reminiscent of a real relationship. Those are things people miss when they're single - being hugged, held, and talked to in the morning upon waking up. So 'stuff' did happen.

Liar Liar

Is lying early on in a relationship a deal-breaker? Many women would say yes, but I say it depends on the circumstance.
For example, if you meet at a club or on a holiday, you have to expect there will be a bit of exaggeration from both parties. If a hot guy in Hawaii is chatting me up I'm not going to admit I live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment, while he might call himself a lawyer when he's in his final year of law school. It's innocent fun and more likely than not this type of meeting won't lead to a long-term relationship anyway.
There is a difference between this type of 'fibbing' and a full-out lie further into a relationship. If you've been out with someone a few times and he is still pretending he has a different career or he hasn't told you his real age (he's obviously not 28 like he says he is) that should be a major red flag. It's really a no-win situation: If he's a bad liar it's painful to be with someone who is so insecure they have to lie about who they are. If he's good at lying and you didn't even suspect him, then what else is he lying about?