Hobbies

One of my main dating tips for singles is to get a hobby. Not only will you expand your network (and potentially meet a date) but you'll become a more interesting person for it.

I'm forever surprised by the number of girls I meet who don't have any hobbies or interests outside of dating and their job. Whether it's a sport, a volunteer activity or a class, I'd expect a girl to have at least an interest in something.

This gives girls an extra topic to chat about, over and above their job and their childhood ("I grew up in Winnipeg..." is only exciting for so long). Pretty girls will get a guy's attention, no doubt, but keeping a guy's attention is another issue. After the first date, there's only so much small talk that can take place. Most guys have several interests, so chances are he's going to find a girl boring if she doesn't participate in any extra-curricular activities. If her schedule is wide open or she doesn't feel at least semi-passionate about anything, that just screams "plain".

So, that said, here are a list of potential interests and activities to partake in:

• A favourite band or a music venue featuring local bands
• Local sports team - get cheap tickets and check out a few games a year
• Take a class in something that interests you - photography, writing, English Lit, graphic design
• Volunteer. This is very near and dear to my heart - not only will you give back but you'll meet other community-conscious people!
• Travel - near or far this gives you a fun thing to chat about and you'll learn about yourself in the process

Wrong Number

I'm always a proponent of phoning vs. texting when you first meet a girl. Here's another piece of support for my argument - an entire confusion and near-disaster would have been avoided with one simple phone call.

About a week and a half ago I made plans with a friend who lives outside Toronto to meet up for dinner. He told me he'd "be in town for work" and wanted to see me on Sunday night. When he messaged, I didn't have his phone # saved, but I recognized the area code as belonging to my friend S.H. who had phoned me on my birthday. I was busy at the time of his message, so I quickly saved his name in my phone, made plans to meet up Sunday evening and left it at that.

We messaged a few times over the past week to confirm plans, pick a resto and a time, and tell each other how excited we were to see each other. All along I assumed I was meeting my friend S.H., who I've known for years. Never in my messages did I mention any of the details of our friendship. In fact, upon re-reading my messages they were extremely generic, on both sides, and they really could have been sent to anyone in my contact list.

So tonight I showed up at his hotel to meet him in the lobby as planned, but instead of greeting him with a big smile and a hug, I gave the guy sitting on the couch a strange look and asked what he was doing in the city. I expected to see S.H., and instead the guy who approached me was an airport acquaintance - let's call him Newark Airport - a cute guy I'd befriended during a delay in January.

Needless to say I was surprised and confused, and I don't even want to think about what kind of expressions I was making while my mind raced between the options:

1) Is this actually S.H. and he looks different than I remember?

2) Pretend I knew I was meeting this guy all along and hope that S.H. wasn't going to step off the elevator

3) Explain my error and confirm that, yes, in fact, this was who I had been texting.

I chose the latter and it took me the walk to the restaurant to recover my cool, explain that I am in fact a sane, organized person, and reassure my friend that I was happy he was now my date. It was in fact a very pleasant surprise - Newark Airport was nothing but funny, charming and very cute. It provided a dramatically different vibe to the evening that I wish I'd been prepared for - flirting with a new guy takes a different level of preparation than catching up with an old friend - but all in all I'd deem it a success.

I will just ensure that in the future I call the guy I'm meeting with before I book the reso.

ERASE Button

I have a great idea for an app - an ERASE button - and please let me explain why this is such a smart idea.

I recently went on a few dates with a guy, things seemed to be going well, when he made it clear he was not very interested in me. I'm unsure of what happened to change his mind, but regardless of the reason, I want nothing more to do with him. There are not many things more pathetic than a girl who continues to message or call a guy after he's said he doesn't want to date her. Unfortunately, it can be challenging not to, especially if he is still friendly and nice.

It's especially difficult to remember why I shouldn't be messaging him when his number is so easily available. It's saved in my phone, and even if I did delete it, I have past text messages and the "reply" button is just an inch away. At this point I have his email address and he's on Facebook. He's everywhere.

Here's where the ERASE button comes in. Things are more complicated than in the old days where you simply throw out the piece of paper with his number or delete his number from your call history. Now, you press the ERASE button and he's gone. Emails, text messages, call history and your friendship on Facebook. You won't have to worry about his post coming up on your Twitter feed or sending him a drunk message at the end of the night.

Any developers who are interested, you know how to reach me.

Surprise Message

Today I received a message from an ex that I never thought I'd see. Granted, I'm not completely innocent - I messaged him yesterday saying Hello.

This is an ex who I have always had a close friendship with since breaking-up eight years ago. I have no intentions to get back together with him, and I have not seen him in more than three years.

And I quote:

"Hey! I'm good thank you. I'm really sorry but keeping in touch with x girlfriends is getting me into all kinds of trouble! I'm sorry, nothing against u or anything but I need to put my past behind me! Take care hope all is well".

After receiving this I immediately deleted his number (even though I have had it memorized for years) and will definitely never reach out to him again. I think the most surprising is that of all relationships I've had, this is the one that came to the "never speak to me again" stage.

EXcitement

I had dinner with an ex on Friday night. Luckily the plans were made two days in advance, as even then I spent several hours contemplating outfits, where to go and what it would be like to see him. I don't want to think what my productivity levels would have been for the month if he'd invited me out in March.

I picked a great restaurant, tried on 4 outfits, and spent over an hour making myself beautiful - which is a long time for someone with a super short attention span like myself. It paid off - I felt very pretty and confident and I was happy to show him how I'd grown up over the past few years.

What struck me as odd was that I was more concerned about looking good for him than I am on most first dates I go on. My friends offered suggestions on what to wear, my roommates told me how great I looked before I went out, and being sweet as they are they even messaged me while I was out to mention it again.

I had a great dinner and hopefully he felt at least an ounce of regret for dumping me, but ultimately he's an ex who I have zero interest in. Why are we so concerned with impressing exes, when they're virtually failed options, yet we are lazy with dating new guys? No, not all girls are like that, but maybe that's why I am still single...

A Boyfriend Equation

BF - intimacy + baseball = Baseball BF

I think this could be the solution I've been looking for for some time now! I don't think my needs are unreasonable. I'd like someone who will go to Jays games with me, and explain an odd call or recite the pitcher's stats. I want someone who will tell me I look cute when I show up for pre-game beers, but I don't need anyone coming home with me at the end of night. I'm not saying this is a permanent position, but for this point in my life, a baseball BF is the perfect BF for me.

He can be in another (real) relationship and it is preferable that he be completely uninterested in me as a potential wife. He should however enjoy my company enough to sit through a three-hour baseball game. He should also enjoy beer.

This is so much better than a real BF because the only drama we should ever face is disagreeing about the second-base umpire's call or whether we should have another beer before the end of the 7th. In my opinion, "I can't believe they're not starting Morrow!" is much more tolerable than "why were you texting HER last night?!".

I'm now taking applications, please email if interested.