Twenty-Eight Going on Sixteen

Two 16-year-old girls are sharing a coffee at Starbucks chatting about their guy drama. For the most part it was typical dating drama, but the disturbing part was that their issues were scarily similar to issues I am still dealing with today. I felt like shaking the girls and telling them some things just never change, and that they have at least another fifteen years of this garbage to deal with, so they better get used to it!

Here's part of their story, just for your reading pleasure.

Lucy

So Lucy is telling Jane about her break-up last weekend. She tells the story as "OMG I seriously cried all day." So the story goes that she decided to break up with her BF who happens to be older than her. She is sitting with him (at his place I assume) cuddling and she starts getting sad and pretty much crying. She tried to tell him a bunch of times and then about 10 minutes before they have to part she decides to do it.

She had already planned to do it so that's not the problem. The drama is around his reaction. He acted like it was no big deal and just said "it's okay". When she asked him what he meant by that he said "it's okay because they can still be friends". Then she checked Facebook when she got home and he had changed his relationship status to single seconds after she left. And a bunch of people had liked it and he wrote "LOL". So she messaged him wanting to talk to him. The way she calls it is that she envisioned the breakup being a little big more "dignified" (her word). Nowadays we would say "I need closure. And why isn't he more heartbroken over this?"
Ten minutes later: the guy called while they were sitting at Starbucks. He wanted to talk about it but was apparently at a friend's house and she said she didn't want to talk about it while he was there. So they are planning to get together on Friday to chat.

Of course as soon as she gets off the phone she starts freaking out. She keeps saying "OMG help me!" "What do I say?!" Jane gives pretty much useless advice and tells her to say something along the lines of "it was just too hard" and some other mumble jumble. Jane gets up to go to the bathroom and Lucy immediately jumps on the phone to call random third friend saying "OMG what do I do?!"

The thing is, during all of these conversations Lucy is smiling. It's as if she likes the drama and/or she's excited to see him. It might be both, and it definitely seems silly, but either way replace "Lucy" with "Dani" and it would be a totally believable story. I may be older but definitely not wiser.

Online Dating: Part Deux

In case his first message wasn't funny enough, he decided to seal the deal and send a follow-up message to my friend. You'll remember from the first message (see "Online Dating") that he was more than a little interested in her. Well, he's persistent, although the tone changes a bit with this message. I will confirm that it was unprovoked - my friend did not respond to his first message, he came up with this beauty all on his own:

I don't know if you appreciate honesty, I just wanted to let you know I
am a for sure thing, I don't want to be rude; I mean I just wanted to
let you know that, Lol. I mean why don't we just hook up for A couple of
great evenings eating some good food, some great cooked food, some great
movies, some great sex, I mean I like to enjoy a beautiful girl just
like the next guy. In all reality, you're going to sleep with other
people and so am I. I don't want to enjoy a girls company once I want to
enjoy it as long as it lasts. Am I going to be totally faithful, no I am
not? A nice dinner some great sex and some great laughs, I mean right
now in my life the way it's going, I have a lot to accomplish, I want
date but, I want to have fun and I really don't see the point in waiting
time. I am not going to be a guy who's going to lie to you nor do I want
to be rude. Let's face it I had a choice, a night of great sex a dinner
cooked some laughs and someone to cuddle and sleep beside and do that
when we feel like it. Or sleep by ourselves. I would pick the sex and
the good company. I want anything serious right now but I just wanted to
let you know I am a for sure thing one night if you were interested. Did
you want to meet for a coffee and see if there is a connection? Just to
let you know I saw you and just let you know about some possibilities.

The latest update - after being ignored by my friend, he has since closed his account on this particular dating site. The coast is clear for her to move on to bigger and better things.

Going Downhill, Fast

One of the exciting & stressful things about dating is that things can seem great, then within a day or two they feel like they're heading straight downhill. You can always count on dating to keep us on our toes.

Let's take the last guy I dated: things were going well, we spent one or two evenings a week together, he messaged, called, seemed really reliable and fun, and I was happy. Unfortunately all good things must come to an end, and a few weeks ago there was a noticeable shift in his behaviour. I noticed it, but still liked hanging out with him so I toned things down a bit and continued to talk with him. He was still really responsive, friendly and he was especially great when we hung out.

Yada yada yada...we've all heard this story before. Obviously something happened that made him just not that into the whole sitch. I think he may have gotten a bit scared of how fast things were moving, or maybe he met another girl and is either too inept to handle dating both of us at once, or feels bad to pursue me further with another girl on the go. My number #1 guess: he is on the verge of breaking out the "You're a cool girl but I'm just not looking for a relationship" card.

What I do want to ask, for myself and all the girls out there who have been in a similar situation, is Why? I would like to know what happened that made him change his mind about me. If it was an external pressure (meeting another girl, for example), there's not much I can do about it. Guys are going to meet other girls. But I have a sneaking suspicion that I said or did something that scared him off or made him go into the relationship fetal position.

It's tough to ask for critiques - think about how rough it is at your job, when someone criticizes your professional work. Now apply that same level of critique to your dating life or even to your personality. Ouch. I`m prepared to put myself out there for the greater good. Think of how much better I, and the girls who read my blog, will be at dating after hearing this truth.

Why You Should Never Change Plans for a Guy

Here's a fun little story taken straight from my life: It begins with me, on Friday morning, asking a guy I'm seeing if he wants to hang out later that night. Here's the conversation and sequence of events that follow:

Him: I'm busy later tonight with some friends but how about breakfast tomorrow?

Me: Sure, I have plans in the afternoon so it will have to be early.

Him: Sounds great, blah blah blah, I'll come to your neighbourhood, blah blah blah, I'm a nice guy, blah blah I'll be there at 10am

On Friday night I met friends for post-work drinks, and I also had an invite for later that night, but seeing as I had to be up at 9am and wanted to look and feel good, I decide to call it an early night. Granted I was exhausted from the week and wanted the rest, but knowing I had to be up early really solidified my decision. I was actually excited to rise early and meet with him when I went to bed.

2:47am: I am awakened by a text message. And I quote: "Hey I'm jus going to bed, gonna bail on tmrw since there's no way I'm getting up in time. I will def give u a shout tho...super sorry again"

Yes...super sorry again because he's bailed on me before. The last time was on something way more important than a breakfast, but nonetheless bailing 7 hours before just tells me he doesn't care that much. I know guys who would make it to a 10am date if they had only one hour of sleep, just so they could see the girl!

I have other people to see tomorrow and know that my day will still be fun, but I wish I had gone out and danced, drank and partied with my friends last night. I just might have met a cute, reliable guy.

Online Dating

As I'm preparing to dive into the world of online dating I've been pleasantly surprised to find out most of my friends are ready and willing to share stories and advice from their experiences on the world wide web. Some stories are good, many are bad, and all are helpful.

I just couldn't pass up the following message though - below is the actual text from a message that a friend received on a free site:

Hey girl, I don’t know how you did this, but you have me absolutely stumped. I glanced over your profile and you tilted my head you are absolutely beautiful baby girl. I mean, I hope I not being to forward. I don’t want take any chances on ruining something as great as you look and read. Girl. I mean you got me stumped on why you single. I would have a ring on that finger a long time ago. I mean it baby girl, I mean something like you belongs on a dance floor getting twirled You should be made to feel something special. I don’t know what you been dealing with but a gorges face like yours need to feel something special. I mean it you are beautiful baby girl. Wow More about me. Hard working guy who just wants to make something like you know she’s number one and give you something they talk about in books. I can’t give you anything perfect because I am not yet, but neither are you. So what do I got to do to walk into gal’s life like yours just let me know

Inattentiveness

Three weeks ago a guy I'd been out with a few times sent me a cute message on a Saturday afternoon. He was asking how a meeting I had that day went. This was something I had briefly mentioned on the Thursday prior, as an off-hand comment when discussing my weekend plans. I was super impressed that he had a) listened so carefully to my somewhat lame story and b) taken the time to check on how it went.

This past Saturday I moved to my new house, and he didn't even send me a measly text to ask how it went. I heard from him on Sunday, but by then the move was long over and my interest in him was fading fast. True - it didn't make a world of difference - I had many caring friends and family members who phoned or messaged about it, and some wonderful girl friends in the city who picked me up and even lugged my garbage downstairs for me!

I was so surprised - how can he ask about a fairly small event in my life, while this move is all I've been yapping about for a month? It's not like he stood a chance of forgetting about it!

Something tells me he may not be as interested as he was several weeks ago.