Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Horseshoe Tavern
My BF is playing another show this weekend so I'm using this medium to not-so-subtly promote it. The show is FREE (!!) and it's at the Horseshoe Tavern @ Queen & Spadina, Saturday, May 23rd. Vanderpark will be on around 12am, other shows are on before. Message me to get added to the guest list (for free entry). Hope to see you out!
Meet The Parents
When is the right time to introduce your BF to your parents? When would you hope you'd be introduced to his family? Most importantly, at what point of non-introduction should you start to worry about your relationship? In my mind, a guy should be proud and happy with you and be excited to introduce you to his family. After all, what parent wouldn't be happy to meet the smart, pretty and confident girl dating their son? When he starts avoiding the subject, lying to his parents when he's with you, or making plans to visit with his parents without you (repeatedly), there might be a greater issue at play.
There are some circumstances, however, where maybe you don't want to meet the parents. Maybe you had a very different upbringing from your BF and can sense some potential conflicts with his 'rents. Sometimes it's just nice to keep parents and their opinions out of the equation, at least until you know for sure how you feel about the relationship. After all, since most of us live on our own at this stage, there is no need to meet the parents on the first date like in grade 12.
I think there is a lot of focus put on 'meeting the parents' - some girls don't consider the relationship to be the real deal until there are weekly family dinners or trips home to their native cities (with BF in tow). This is fine, but be careful what you wish for - relationships are tricky enough without factoring 4+ more people into the mix!
There are some circumstances, however, where maybe you don't want to meet the parents. Maybe you had a very different upbringing from your BF and can sense some potential conflicts with his 'rents. Sometimes it's just nice to keep parents and their opinions out of the equation, at least until you know for sure how you feel about the relationship. After all, since most of us live on our own at this stage, there is no need to meet the parents on the first date like in grade 12.
I think there is a lot of focus put on 'meeting the parents' - some girls don't consider the relationship to be the real deal until there are weekly family dinners or trips home to their native cities (with BF in tow). This is fine, but be careful what you wish for - relationships are tricky enough without factoring 4+ more people into the mix!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Spying
Sometimes it's tempting to take a peek at a BF's private stash - his MSN conversations, emails, Facebook messages, journal. Maybe things have been rocky as of late, or it's early in the relationship, or you worry that there might be someone else. It seems so easy to just check the computer when he's in the shower, or flip through a notebook to check for incriminating deets. I hear stories like this from girls all the time, but really, no good can come from it. Not only are you blatantly taking advantage of your BF's trust, but suppose you do read something incriminating. What can you do about it? Granted, if it's something extreme (say an online conversation with Mindy setting up a late-night rendez-vous) at least you can exit the relationship without further injury. Otherwise, you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you mention something you read (say a flirty comment with a girl or mention of a cute co-worker) he will obviously be hurt and angry that you invaded his privacy. But when you keep it to yourself with no clarification, it will haunt you for weeks/months/all of time.
Avoid this dilemma, and carry a good book with you instead.
Avoid this dilemma, and carry a good book with you instead.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Whiney McWhine
Scenario:
You: Do I look OK in this dress (twirling in front of a mirror)
Friend: You look super hot - that's a great dress!
You: Are you sure? Do you really think I look good?
Friend: Yes, I wouldn't have said it otherwise. Are you ready to go?
You: (pouting) There are so many other great girls out there...are you sure you want to hang out with me? I feel like you don't really like being friends with me.
Friend: Ummmm nothing has changed, and I told you how great you looked...?
You: Well I saw you talking to that girl in your class, you guys seemed to be getting pretty close...maybe you'd rather grab brunch with her?! You never say anything nice...
Friend: WTF
I might have exaggerated this scene a bit, but I'm sure you're rolling your eyes at the 'You' character above. Now substitute BF for Friend, 'dating' for 'hanging out with' and it probably seems a bit more realistic (too bad). You wouldn't pull this on a girl friend, so why is it OK with a BF? You can't really blame guys for tiring of all that whining, questioning and fishing for compliments!
Sadly, I hear girls saying these things all the time. STOP! Listen to yourself - take an objective view of your conversations with guys and realize that you're making yourself less attractive by the minute. Plus, by focusing solely on what they're not saying, or what hidden meanings might lie beneath their compliments, you're ignoring all the great things they DO say!
You: Do I look OK in this dress (twirling in front of a mirror)
Friend: You look super hot - that's a great dress!
You: Are you sure? Do you really think I look good?
Friend: Yes, I wouldn't have said it otherwise. Are you ready to go?
You: (pouting) There are so many other great girls out there...are you sure you want to hang out with me? I feel like you don't really like being friends with me.
Friend: Ummmm nothing has changed, and I told you how great you looked...?
You: Well I saw you talking to that girl in your class, you guys seemed to be getting pretty close...maybe you'd rather grab brunch with her?! You never say anything nice...
Friend: WTF
I might have exaggerated this scene a bit, but I'm sure you're rolling your eyes at the 'You' character above. Now substitute BF for Friend, 'dating' for 'hanging out with' and it probably seems a bit more realistic (too bad). You wouldn't pull this on a girl friend, so why is it OK with a BF? You can't really blame guys for tiring of all that whining, questioning and fishing for compliments!
Sadly, I hear girls saying these things all the time. STOP! Listen to yourself - take an objective view of your conversations with guys and realize that you're making yourself less attractive by the minute. Plus, by focusing solely on what they're not saying, or what hidden meanings might lie beneath their compliments, you're ignoring all the great things they DO say!
Smiling
Next time you're feeling down try smiling. Yes, this sounds cheesy, and I know you might feel silly smiling to yourself, but it really does help your mood improve! When you stand up straight, lift your chin, walk/stand with some confidence and smile, it's difficult to stay in a bad mood.
It's almost always easier to feel sorry for yourself, but try challenging yourself the next time you're feeling down. Never let a difficult time get the best of you!
It's almost always easier to feel sorry for yourself, but try challenging yourself the next time you're feeling down. Never let a difficult time get the best of you!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Addicted to Drama
Everyone likes a bit of drama in their lives, and without some excitement, life gets dull, boring and predictable. Unfortunately I think all too often girls get addicted to the drama of sketchy relationships. We`ve all (or almost all) been there - it seems that things are either amazingly wonderful or horribly disastrous with our boy du jour...never in the middle.
You may be asking why we do this to ourselves. Some reasons may include:
You may be asking why we do this to ourselves. Some reasons may include:
- You are totally incompatible but trying to make it work because you`re attracted to each other
- You two don`t have a lot in common or even much fun together, so the drama helps build excitement and something to focus on
- The constant worrying about your BF provides endless hours of chat material to be shared with your closest (25) friends
- The knowledge that you`re dating a scumbag allows you to instantly bond with most other girls you meet
- Make-up sex is better than regular sex
Although the drama can be exciting, your friends are probably tired of hearing the same whining and complaining that they`ve been listening to for 10+ years. You`re not working on improving the important things in life when you`re spending hours crying, worrying, and yelling about past fights. In my opinion, total drama relationships went out of style with jumpsuits (the first time around...).
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Easy
A wise friend of mine once told me that a relationship 'should be easy'. At the time I didn't really understand what she meant, but when she got married this year (further proof that she was right) I was happy to tell her that I finally saw the light.
This doesn't mean that you are always awed and amazed by your significant other (of course they are annoying sometimes!), but there are a few things that stand out in my mind as key factors. In my opinion, when a relationship is 'easy', a small argument doesn't often escalate into a major blowout. When there is a fight, the fear of a break up isn't always looming, it's just a fight. It seems that in these relationships, the significant other is dependable and works to make life easier, not tougher, for you.
Granted, the ups and downs can be exciting, but having an easy relationship allows you to spend your time, energy and brilliance on so many other great things.
This doesn't mean that you are always awed and amazed by your significant other (of course they are annoying sometimes!), but there are a few things that stand out in my mind as key factors. In my opinion, when a relationship is 'easy', a small argument doesn't often escalate into a major blowout. When there is a fight, the fear of a break up isn't always looming, it's just a fight. It seems that in these relationships, the significant other is dependable and works to make life easier, not tougher, for you.
Granted, the ups and downs can be exciting, but having an easy relationship allows you to spend your time, energy and brilliance on so many other great things.
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