Qualifications

Funny that depending on what relationship someone has with your BF, it really changes their judgement on you as a GF. Apparently my BF's mom believes a good girlfriend cooks a lot (not my strong suit), but other mothers might want to know I'm financially secure and stable. I'm quite sure that a guy's friends judge mostly on how hot a girl is (aka big her chest is?), and if they're a fun time when out drinking. Female friends of a BF probably judge my qualifications based on how nice I am or maybe just my fashion sense. You can never can't please everyone - and as long as you and your BF is happy, that is all that should matter.

The Secret to Happiness

I just finished a great new book, which was centred around discussions, and a friendly relationship between a middle-aged man and his elderly Rabbi. I know it sounds odd (if anyone has read Tuesdays With Morrie, similar idea by the same author), but it was very touching. The thing I remember most from the pages and pages of shared wisdom and advice was the Rabbi`s opinion on the secret to happiness: be satisfied and be grateful.
So simple, but that`s really true if you take a moment to think about it. Some people have everything in the world and still hate their lives and feel totally unhappy. Others have next to nothing but seem joyful with the lives they have. Take a moment each day to think about something you`re satisfied with and what you`re grateful for - it will make your life much happier too.

No Really - It's Not You

After a few failed relationships, or some bad dates, it's hard not to blame yourself. After a handful of short relationships in a row (I'm talking 2 - 3 months of dating each time) I really started to question if something was wrong with me. WHY didn't anyone want to be my boyfriend? WHY couldn't anyone commit to dating me 'for real', after seeming so interested in the early stages? Was I meant to have a string of short, fun, dramatic relationships in my life and that was all? I started to really beat myself up over it, assuming it was my fault and that things would never change, and were out of my control.
After awhile, I began to look at things objectively, and I realized I was going after guys who were completely not interested in a relationship, and had made that clear all along. Or, in other cases, they were just not into me, even at the beginning. With some, they appeared to be 'into it', but when I was honest with myself I realized I had done a lot more of the pursuing than they had.
After this, my advice would be: whatever the reason that things didn't work out - don't change. It was not because something is wrong with you, there was just something wrong with you two together. There are many many reasons why relationships don't work (all relationships, not just romantic) and all you can do is be a good person and be happy and confident with who you are.

Does He Even Care?

Girls get upset about a lot of things. A guy says something, we take it the wrong way, he doesn't even know what he's said to upset you. Sound familiar? It's one thing to get upset around a BF (I'm not condoning this, but hopefully they're a bit more understanding). I'm talking regarding guys who you are seeing, have dated, or maybe even just like. I've spent hours crying over guys who haven't called me back. I've questioned my existence when guys didn't want a relationship with me after a couple dates. I've analyzed for hours on end with my friends about guys who might be with another girl. But the question to ask is 'Does he even care at all?'. When I was crying into my pillow about this guy who didn't call me after 2 dates, did he remember my name? When all my friends knew even the most minute detail about him, did he even know my last name?
I think it's a good exercise to consider things from his perspective. Is he out with his friends having a good time, possibly remembering you as a fun girl who just wasn't right for him, while you're a blubbering mess? Who wants to be that girl? And if a guy has moved on that quickly (or was never really into things in the first place) he doesn't deserve your time or your tears.

Excuses

I'm pretty sure I've become an expert at making up excuses. If I could find a job where all I had to do was develop excuses for why people haven't accomplished their goals and dreams, I'd be set for life. Lately I have had a few...awakenings...if you will. There are changes I need to make in my life but I've been hiding behind excuses all along.
I have made complaints about various jobs pretty much forever (haven't we all?), but instead of doing something to fix them or look for something else, I blame others or allow it to happen because 'it's good money' or 'it's a bad time to leave'. I miss important moments in my friends' lives, but there's always a excuse for not being there. I have stayed with BFs for way too long, but it's because 'I didn't want to be alone' or 'they really were good guys'. I don't travel enough because of money/my BF/my apartment/I'll miss something happening here.
Enough. I'm done with it. From now on, if I decide to do/not do something it's because that is my decision - not because of anyone or anything else. What a relief for myself, and for my friends who have put up with these excuses for years.

There Will Always Be Time

With past relationships I used to stress if we couldn't see each other one night, or didn't get a chance to go to an event or game THIS weekend. I always had a short-term relationship on my mind. I wanted to take advantage of the time we had together because I wasn't sure how long we'd be together. I had it in my mind that we'd only be together a month or two, and if we didn't go where I wanted/do what I wanted on that date, we may never be able to.
That's such a stressful way to operate though - if he cancelled one date I would wonder if I'd get to see him again. Or if he didn't want to stay over one Saturday I'd worry that we'd never get another sleepover. Now I'm OK if I can't see my BF all the time. I do spend a lot of time with him, but if we're both busy all week I know we'll have the weekend, or at least the next weekend, to hang out. If we miss this Jays series there will always be the next one. There is still excitement and desire to see each other, but a lot less stress when our schedules don't mesh well.

Body Image

All of us have body issues. I don't care who you are, whether you're 6'0" tall or 100 pounds, girls all seem to have parts of their bodies that they're unhappy with. Most girls have learned to deal with their issues by this age, but I've realized that we can make it even harder for our friends to handle their issues.
Let me explain: For me, I've always had issues with my weight. Not that I'm huge, but I (like many girls) have always wanted to be thinner. Because weight has always played such a prominent role in my life, I am jealous of girls who are naturally thin. The problem comes when I assume that smaller girls are 100% confident about their bodies, and make off-hand comments or jokes about it. But chances are they have their own problems, and are not totally confident. With my comments I'm making them feel worse. Keep it in mind - next time you complain that your chest makes it hard to find bras that fit, another girl wishes she had a bigger chest. When you complain you're too tall, another girl desperately hates being the shortest in the room. Or when your skinny friend complains she's having a 'fat day', hear her out and understand she's not feeling great about herself, even if she is a size 2.
It's a sad fact that we all have so many body issues, but it's even sadder that we're unknowingly making it worse.