Twenty-Eight Going on Sixteen

Two 16-year-old girls are sharing a coffee at Starbucks chatting about their guy drama. For the most part it was typical dating drama, but the disturbing part was that their issues were scarily similar to issues I am still dealing with today. I felt like shaking the girls and telling them some things just never change, and that they have at least another fifteen years of this garbage to deal with, so they better get used to it!

Here's part of their story, just for your reading pleasure.

Lucy

So Lucy is telling Jane about her break-up last weekend. She tells the story as "OMG I seriously cried all day." So the story goes that she decided to break up with her BF who happens to be older than her. She is sitting with him (at his place I assume) cuddling and she starts getting sad and pretty much crying. She tried to tell him a bunch of times and then about 10 minutes before they have to part she decides to do it.

She had already planned to do it so that's not the problem. The drama is around his reaction. He acted like it was no big deal and just said "it's okay". When she asked him what he meant by that he said "it's okay because they can still be friends". Then she checked Facebook when she got home and he had changed his relationship status to single seconds after she left. And a bunch of people had liked it and he wrote "LOL". So she messaged him wanting to talk to him. The way she calls it is that she envisioned the breakup being a little big more "dignified" (her word). Nowadays we would say "I need closure. And why isn't he more heartbroken over this?"
Ten minutes later: the guy called while they were sitting at Starbucks. He wanted to talk about it but was apparently at a friend's house and she said she didn't want to talk about it while he was there. So they are planning to get together on Friday to chat.

Of course as soon as she gets off the phone she starts freaking out. She keeps saying "OMG help me!" "What do I say?!" Jane gives pretty much useless advice and tells her to say something along the lines of "it was just too hard" and some other mumble jumble. Jane gets up to go to the bathroom and Lucy immediately jumps on the phone to call random third friend saying "OMG what do I do?!"

The thing is, during all of these conversations Lucy is smiling. It's as if she likes the drama and/or she's excited to see him. It might be both, and it definitely seems silly, but either way replace "Lucy" with "Dani" and it would be a totally believable story. I may be older but definitely not wiser.

Does He Even Care?

Girls get upset about a lot of things. A guy says something, we take it the wrong way, he doesn't even know what he's said to upset you. Sound familiar? It's one thing to get upset around a BF (I'm not condoning this, but hopefully they're a bit more understanding). I'm talking regarding guys who you are seeing, have dated, or maybe even just like. I've spent hours crying over guys who haven't called me back. I've questioned my existence when guys didn't want a relationship with me after a couple dates. I've analyzed for hours on end with my friends about guys who might be with another girl. But the question to ask is 'Does he even care at all?'. When I was crying into my pillow about this guy who didn't call me after 2 dates, did he remember my name? When all my friends knew even the most minute detail about him, did he even know my last name?
I think it's a good exercise to consider things from his perspective. Is he out with his friends having a good time, possibly remembering you as a fun girl who just wasn't right for him, while you're a blubbering mess? Who wants to be that girl? And if a guy has moved on that quickly (or was never really into things in the first place) he doesn't deserve your time or your tears.

Since When...

Since when is it OK for a girl to treat her BF like garbage? True, sometimes guys deserve cruel treatment, if they've been especially dirty dogs perhaps, but on a regular basis girls seem to totally act out of line. Think about a time you've got mad or upset with your BF - would you have treated a close girlfriend, or any acquaintance for that matter, the same way?? I'm not saying suppress your feelings, or don't be upset, but I am talking about totally rude, frustrated, borderline-abusive behaviour.
Last night, while waiting for my hero Gwen Stefani to come on stage at the No Doubt concert, I watched a young couple in front of me 'work through some issues'. The girl came back to her seat after a presumably teary bathroom break, stomping and pouting. When her and her BF had to move seats she tripped over a girl (the seats were tiiiight) and was so frustrated/upset I could see that she really wanted to smack her BF (and perhaps would have if they'd been alone). I have no idea what she was so upset about, but her BF took the abuse and by 'I'm Just a Girl' they were holding hands (I love that song BTW).
I like to think she caught him making out with someone while she was in line to get a Sprite, but in reality what probably happened was he put his foot in his mouth or didn't say EXACTLY what she wanted to hear. Next time a guy does that, try to cut him a bit of slack, or at least don't completely lose your cool. The frustration was so not attractive on her and she for sure ruined a really fun night. Plus, you cannot tell me that for at least a minute he didn't question why he was dating her.