Going Downhill, Fast

One of the exciting & stressful things about dating is that things can seem great, then within a day or two they feel like they're heading straight downhill. You can always count on dating to keep us on our toes.

Let's take the last guy I dated: things were going well, we spent one or two evenings a week together, he messaged, called, seemed really reliable and fun, and I was happy. Unfortunately all good things must come to an end, and a few weeks ago there was a noticeable shift in his behaviour. I noticed it, but still liked hanging out with him so I toned things down a bit and continued to talk with him. He was still really responsive, friendly and he was especially great when we hung out.

Yada yada yada...we've all heard this story before. Obviously something happened that made him just not that into the whole sitch. I think he may have gotten a bit scared of how fast things were moving, or maybe he met another girl and is either too inept to handle dating both of us at once, or feels bad to pursue me further with another girl on the go. My number #1 guess: he is on the verge of breaking out the "You're a cool girl but I'm just not looking for a relationship" card.

What I do want to ask, for myself and all the girls out there who have been in a similar situation, is Why? I would like to know what happened that made him change his mind about me. If it was an external pressure (meeting another girl, for example), there's not much I can do about it. Guys are going to meet other girls. But I have a sneaking suspicion that I said or did something that scared him off or made him go into the relationship fetal position.

It's tough to ask for critiques - think about how rough it is at your job, when someone criticizes your professional work. Now apply that same level of critique to your dating life or even to your personality. Ouch. I`m prepared to put myself out there for the greater good. Think of how much better I, and the girls who read my blog, will be at dating after hearing this truth.

Let's Talk About Sex Baby

Actually, no, let's not talk about sex.

In case you have forgotten, I am a woman, and therefore I'm not thinking raunchy thoughts every minute of the day. Sure, women have their needs and desires, and often enjoy the physical aspect of relationships just as much as (or more than) many men. But that does not mean that we want to hear or read about these things as we're going about our day.

I have been having perfectly nice conversations with men, perhaps discussing careers, family or the plans for the weekend, when that little word sneaks it's way into the conversation. I am much more excited and interested by questions relating to my travels or favourite restaurants, than I am by discussions of sex positions or "what you want to do to me when you see me next". Sorry to be lewd but I can't believe that men actually think it's OK to casually throw this into a conversation, while I could barely force my fingers to type the phrase.

I am by no means a prude nor do I shy away from flirting - this is just plain annoying. Following up a perfectly polite, chatty text with a sexually-charged message throws girls off and makes them wonder how many other girls you're sexting with at the same time. Stick with personal, polite messages and phone conversation and I guarantee you'll get to the real thing quicker.

Grade 3

Remember when guys picked on you when they liked you? I was tormented by a boy in elementary school for being so small - shrimp, midget and shorty were words I heard on a near-daily basis until my mom finally gave the teacher the heads-up. I learned later that he thought I was cute. Not exactly romantic but it was the best you could expect from an under-12-year-old boy.
I have experienced an eerily similar situation over the past few months, with a male acquaintance who relentlessly pokes fun and teases me. Seriously, he teases. I'm reminded of those long days in Grade 3, where once again my height is a source of entertainment, and the fact that I was born and raised in Winnipeg is hilarious. Seriously, who makes fun of those things after the age of thirteen? At least to the person's face!
More than a couple people have proposed the possibility that he 'likes' me. Wow if only I could be so lucky (sarcasm). I would hope by this age men have worked up the courage to get to know girls they like, or even better, flirt with them. But just in case, here's an FYI boys - mean jokes about things that we can't help, ie. our height, does not qualify as flirting.

Update

Please know that I don't pull ALL (or even a lot of) the material from this blog from my own personal circumstances and experience. My BF/roommate is super annoying at times (aren't we all??) but I'm not throwing him out. Thanks for the input as I know people dealing with this issue, or close to dealing with this problem, and in truth any one of us could find ourselves in that tough position in the months or years to come.