Thank You

When someone compliments you, try saying "thank you" and leaving it at that. For some reason girls seem to be hard-wired to instantly put themselves down after receiving any sort of recognition. We work hard to dress nicely, do nice things, and look good, then when we're complimented we downplay it. Also, consider the fact that the person commenting on your new earrings or stylish shoes probably doesn't need to hear (or care about) the life story behind the product. No need to get cocky, but accept the compliment and pass along the good karma to the next person.

Whiplash

What is a girl supposed to do when a guy she is with checks out another girl? I used to get really hurt or offended when guys, even guy friends, would blatantly check out another girl in front of me. What was a 3 second look for them turned into a 20 minute comparison by me, leading to insecurity, work-out plans, and an unattractive pout. If a guy cares about you he should respect you enough to downgrade the looks to small peeks. Assuming the whiplash is minimal, and since girls are often just as guilty of checking out the opposite sex (and spending many hours staring at and critiquing the same sex), I think we should try to let the guys off the hook a bit. Take a deep breath, remind yourself of how beautiful you are, and carry on. I know I'd rather my guy see me with a calm, pretty face than an ugly scowl when he's done peeking.

Life Lessons

I've decided I would like to record some stories of older people (my Grandma will be person #1). It may sound lame but when you consider that some people close to us have been on this Earth for more than 80, maybe 90 years, that's pretty amazing. I'm not great with history, but think of all the things that have changed, appeared, and transformed since the early 1900's. I have a hard enough time keeping up with the ever-changing world of social networking and technology, I can't even imagine what it's like if your first exposure to a computer was at age 70.
With age comes maturity, regrets, pleasures and true lessons learned. I have always felt that I should learn as much from those around me who are older - whether they're 40 or 80, they have had more experiences with me, and therefore can probably impart some wisdom. Take the opportunity to talk with your grandparents, your teachers, your parents or family friends, and soak up all you can. No one is expecting you to follow every word of advice or avoid making your own mistakes, but you just might come away with a slightly different outlook on life.

Accusations

Accusations are rarely a positive thing. Accusing someone of something without being fully aware that it's the truth is very dangerous. Girls like to accuse guys of things regularly, and usually ti relates to other girls. "You were staring at that girl", "Did you hook up with someone else?!", "You're a dirty dog". It sounds crazy when you just read them here, but in the heat of an argument or the moments of lowest confidence, it's totally normal for girls to utter these phrases. I think if you keep accusing your BF (or a guy you just met) of things, he'll eventually just do them. First of all you're giving him no credit, and treating him like a monster by believing that he would do something dirty or low, either when you first meet him or later in the relationship when you should be trusting him. That's pretty hurtful when you think about it - especially if they haven't really done much to give you that idea. More importantly, if a guy has to listen to your accusations, defend his case, and convince you that he really does care about you, then he might as well just cheat or do whatever dirty deed you're worried about. He has to go through the crappy part of that anyway, so he might as well get some pleasure out of it. I'm not saying that makes it right, but I could definitely see a guy using that argument to convince himself to cross the line.
Just think twice before you accuse a guy of something.

Give Them A Chance

If we are always begging for compliments or getting mad because a guy didn't say something right on cue, we'll never give them a chance to impress us or make us happy! My BF's favourite past time is imitating me saying "Do you like me?" or "Don't you think I'm pretty?" in a really whiney annoying voice. He also likes telling me I'm grumpy, which is usually a mood swing based on something I wish he would have said! Yes, I believe he should say these things more, but there are times when he probably WOULD have said them but I beat him to it, with a high-pitched twist, or I started pouting prematurely. Give them a chance to make you happy, and they probably will. Fishing for compliments is rarely a flattering touch.

Fresh Prince

On the weekend I was lucky enough to catch back-to-back episodes of The Fresh Prince of Belair. I forgot how much I loved that show. One of the episodes I saw was when Will first starts dating Lisa (who he ends up dating seriously). Although I had many chuckles at Will's antics, there was an annoying part to this one show where he kept freaking out about everything to do with Lisa. He was scared she wouldn't like him for something he said, they would resolve it, and then he would be scared to call her again the next day because of something else. I know I'm not explaining this well (apologies) but I got frustrated with his craziness. Then I realized that's exactly what girls do!! We stress ourselves out, ask the guys dumb questions like "do you like me?" when the answer is so obvious, and think that one small thing that happens will be the end of the relationship and the world in general. It was so frustrating to watch it when I knew that it was no big deal at all. Totally made me realize how annoying I must be to my friends and BF. Sorry!

What Do You Really Want?

If you're going to tell a guy that you're just up for having fun or want a booty call, you better mean it. I think too many girls try to be 'cool girls' by acting as if they don't want a relationship and are totally fine with a casual fling. Sometimes we may even think that it's true, and it might be the case. The issue comes when girls say things like "I'm just looking for fun" because they're trying to go with the flow, don't want to push the guy to commit, or they want to seem ultra cool, and they really do want a relationship. Be sure that if you are going to make comments like this to a guy, you mean it, because he'll believe you. He might even want a relationship but assumes that you don't. I believe that this is why you see a guy get serious with someone immediately after ending an ultra-casual, 'will not commit' relationship.

Qualifications

Funny that depending on what relationship someone has with your BF, it really changes their judgement on you as a GF. Apparently my BF's mom believes a good girlfriend cooks a lot (not my strong suit), but other mothers might want to know I'm financially secure and stable. I'm quite sure that a guy's friends judge mostly on how hot a girl is (aka big her chest is?), and if they're a fun time when out drinking. Female friends of a BF probably judge my qualifications based on how nice I am or maybe just my fashion sense. You can never can't please everyone - and as long as you and your BF is happy, that is all that should matter.

The Secret to Happiness

I just finished a great new book, which was centred around discussions, and a friendly relationship between a middle-aged man and his elderly Rabbi. I know it sounds odd (if anyone has read Tuesdays With Morrie, similar idea by the same author), but it was very touching. The thing I remember most from the pages and pages of shared wisdom and advice was the Rabbi`s opinion on the secret to happiness: be satisfied and be grateful.
So simple, but that`s really true if you take a moment to think about it. Some people have everything in the world and still hate their lives and feel totally unhappy. Others have next to nothing but seem joyful with the lives they have. Take a moment each day to think about something you`re satisfied with and what you`re grateful for - it will make your life much happier too.

No Really - It's Not You

After a few failed relationships, or some bad dates, it's hard not to blame yourself. After a handful of short relationships in a row (I'm talking 2 - 3 months of dating each time) I really started to question if something was wrong with me. WHY didn't anyone want to be my boyfriend? WHY couldn't anyone commit to dating me 'for real', after seeming so interested in the early stages? Was I meant to have a string of short, fun, dramatic relationships in my life and that was all? I started to really beat myself up over it, assuming it was my fault and that things would never change, and were out of my control.
After awhile, I began to look at things objectively, and I realized I was going after guys who were completely not interested in a relationship, and had made that clear all along. Or, in other cases, they were just not into me, even at the beginning. With some, they appeared to be 'into it', but when I was honest with myself I realized I had done a lot more of the pursuing than they had.
After this, my advice would be: whatever the reason that things didn't work out - don't change. It was not because something is wrong with you, there was just something wrong with you two together. There are many many reasons why relationships don't work (all relationships, not just romantic) and all you can do is be a good person and be happy and confident with who you are.

Does He Even Care?

Girls get upset about a lot of things. A guy says something, we take it the wrong way, he doesn't even know what he's said to upset you. Sound familiar? It's one thing to get upset around a BF (I'm not condoning this, but hopefully they're a bit more understanding). I'm talking regarding guys who you are seeing, have dated, or maybe even just like. I've spent hours crying over guys who haven't called me back. I've questioned my existence when guys didn't want a relationship with me after a couple dates. I've analyzed for hours on end with my friends about guys who might be with another girl. But the question to ask is 'Does he even care at all?'. When I was crying into my pillow about this guy who didn't call me after 2 dates, did he remember my name? When all my friends knew even the most minute detail about him, did he even know my last name?
I think it's a good exercise to consider things from his perspective. Is he out with his friends having a good time, possibly remembering you as a fun girl who just wasn't right for him, while you're a blubbering mess? Who wants to be that girl? And if a guy has moved on that quickly (or was never really into things in the first place) he doesn't deserve your time or your tears.

Excuses

I'm pretty sure I've become an expert at making up excuses. If I could find a job where all I had to do was develop excuses for why people haven't accomplished their goals and dreams, I'd be set for life. Lately I have had a few...awakenings...if you will. There are changes I need to make in my life but I've been hiding behind excuses all along.
I have made complaints about various jobs pretty much forever (haven't we all?), but instead of doing something to fix them or look for something else, I blame others or allow it to happen because 'it's good money' or 'it's a bad time to leave'. I miss important moments in my friends' lives, but there's always a excuse for not being there. I have stayed with BFs for way too long, but it's because 'I didn't want to be alone' or 'they really were good guys'. I don't travel enough because of money/my BF/my apartment/I'll miss something happening here.
Enough. I'm done with it. From now on, if I decide to do/not do something it's because that is my decision - not because of anyone or anything else. What a relief for myself, and for my friends who have put up with these excuses for years.

There Will Always Be Time

With past relationships I used to stress if we couldn't see each other one night, or didn't get a chance to go to an event or game THIS weekend. I always had a short-term relationship on my mind. I wanted to take advantage of the time we had together because I wasn't sure how long we'd be together. I had it in my mind that we'd only be together a month or two, and if we didn't go where I wanted/do what I wanted on that date, we may never be able to.
That's such a stressful way to operate though - if he cancelled one date I would wonder if I'd get to see him again. Or if he didn't want to stay over one Saturday I'd worry that we'd never get another sleepover. Now I'm OK if I can't see my BF all the time. I do spend a lot of time with him, but if we're both busy all week I know we'll have the weekend, or at least the next weekend, to hang out. If we miss this Jays series there will always be the next one. There is still excitement and desire to see each other, but a lot less stress when our schedules don't mesh well.

Body Image

All of us have body issues. I don't care who you are, whether you're 6'0" tall or 100 pounds, girls all seem to have parts of their bodies that they're unhappy with. Most girls have learned to deal with their issues by this age, but I've realized that we can make it even harder for our friends to handle their issues.
Let me explain: For me, I've always had issues with my weight. Not that I'm huge, but I (like many girls) have always wanted to be thinner. Because weight has always played such a prominent role in my life, I am jealous of girls who are naturally thin. The problem comes when I assume that smaller girls are 100% confident about their bodies, and make off-hand comments or jokes about it. But chances are they have their own problems, and are not totally confident. With my comments I'm making them feel worse. Keep it in mind - next time you complain that your chest makes it hard to find bras that fit, another girl wishes she had a bigger chest. When you complain you're too tall, another girl desperately hates being the shortest in the room. Or when your skinny friend complains she's having a 'fat day', hear her out and understand she's not feeling great about herself, even if she is a size 2.
It's a sad fact that we all have so many body issues, but it's even sadder that we're unknowingly making it worse.