The Rule

The main lesson I learned from the book (and movie) He's Just Not That Into You is that girls should expect to be the rule, not the exception to the rule. When a guy doesn't call after your first date, it's unlikely that his phone was swallowed by a bear and more likely that he just wasn't feeling it. When a guy won't call you his girlfriend, he probably wants to keep dating other girls, even if he says he has long-seeded commitment issues or is going on a worldwide adventure in a month (does he actually have a ticket booked?). The rule generally applies, regardless of the stories a guy tells you or more likely, the stories you tell yourself.

I've been spending time with a guy I met through another friend. Before becoming closer with him I had been told that he dates regularly but never anything serious. For whatever reason (or excuse) he generally doesn't have girlfriends just dates people for a month or two and moves on. This didn't bother me in the least until we began spending more time together, and as usual, the dynamic changed slightly and I became more interested in him.

He messages me regularly and acts like a great friend and stand-up guy. We have a lot of fun when we are together and he has a lot of the qualities that I look for in a guy. But it dawned on me the other night, why would this be any different for him than any other girl he's spent time with? Why should I expect the outcome to differ from his last few relationships? Not to say I don't think I'm worth it, but history has to be some sort of indicator of the future.

I'm sure he's had other cute girls laughing hysterically at his jokes, girls who he enjoyed their company and invited to hang out often. Yet he didn't make the move to officially date them, become exclusive and have a mature relationship. So why would that change with me? Rather than spend time convincing myself that I'm the exception, I think I'll move on to a guy where the rule is what I want.