As previously discussed, I have a few male friends, who really are 'just friends', at least in my mind. One of these friends has made some hints of his romantic interests, several months ago. We don't spend much time together anymore, but after clearing things up, and him dealing with some of his own personal issues, we're back to being legitimate friends. No hit-ons to worry about.
My BF knows a bit about what went down between us, and obviously doesn't like this guy very much. The problem - I miss chatting with the guy, and would like to hang out with him for a beer. The questions I find myself asking - Do I give up on the friendship because it makes my partner uncomfortable (and justifiably so)? Do I get together with him but lie about it to my BF (I'm a bad, guilt-ridden liar)? Or do I tell my BF the truth, and deal with the consequences?
As I"m writing this, I can guess the right answer. When I ask myself if my relationship is worth ending (should it turn into a HUGE fight) for this guy...absolutely not. But do I have to end a friendship for a guy? I didn't think I'd ever be one to face this type of situation.
I don't like lying, and I think it's a slippery slope that I don't want to take the first step towards. I'm happy to hear your input, but for now, I think I'll cancel our plans for Thursday...
Comments from the peanut gallery:
ReplyDelete1.) Consider the value of the friendship with the guy vs. the relationship with the guy - if you find yourself really wanting to sacrifice your boyfriend's happiness to spend time with this friend then I think you may want to consider telling your boyfriend the truth about hanging out with the guy and how you feel because despite what we think nothing good comes for dishonesty - but sometimes significant others don't need to know EVERYTHING - did I just totally contradict myself? See your blog about the good conversation and ask yourself if the "friend" is really someone worth knowing?
2.) You shouldn't have to end a friendship with someone if you truly value having them in your life for anyone, so dealing with the consequences may not be the worst option - you should be able to reassure your boyfriend that this friendship is really only a friendship regardless of what this guy has said to you in the past - don't kill me for asking this but how did your boyfriend find out about what this guy has said to you before, if you told him I think I know why and i'm not being crticial because I have definitely done that before too...but realized that some things are better left unsaid.
3.) see when harry met sally (guys and girls can't even really be friends because one always wants the other - this would be interesting in our day and age given there's a lot of love between the same genders)
So based on everything I know about this particular situation I think you have made a good call by cancelling your plans.