One of the Guys Part II

This is a guest blog by a close male friend of mine. I asked him for his advice on how I could ensure I'm a cool girl the next time I hang out with the guys. He had some great advice - read on!

So, as a guy, when deciding whether or not a girl is welcome out with the boys (cool enough to hang? So 90’s…), I think most people work off of some variation of the chill scale. Here’s a quick idea of what the scale should look like:

Mad Chill = Always welcome out with the boys, no questions asked

Chill = Depending on where we’re going and with whom, she might be welcomed

Not Chill = Why are we even discussing her? I thought the question was what makes a chick “chill” not Straight Up Beeyatches for 500

Okay, so we’re good with the scale, right? Okay, great. Next, guys are genetically similar to dogs. It’s a proven fact. We’re pack animals with our own sets of social rules and a special emphasis on the importance of food, drink, sleep and, well, other more base pursuits. Yes, more base than food, drink, and sleep. Please use your imagination. We do have alpha males, and although some of us might be wolves, and other might be Chihuahuas, we’re all part of the pack…. At the end of the day, it always breaks down to something like this: either you’re part of the pack, or you‘re on your own; there’s not really a lot of middle ground to be discovered in this theory.

As a pack, its important to have rules to keep people in line. Here are the rules, in my estimation, as they apply to chicks who want to run with the pack.

Judge Not, Lest She Shall be Judged (to not be Chill)

When you’re out with the guys, you are likely not going to be in control of the itinerary (read: you won’t get to decide where we go and when). Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to tag along, or even be extremely excited about where we’re going. Feeling this way is forgivable and we can work through it, however, faked enthusiasm will earn you full points. And really, who knows, it might end up being more fun than it sounds. The cardinal sin here is spending a half an hour on your soapbox pointing out how stupid, nonsensical, flawed or boring the plan sounds. If the guys don’t already know this about the plan, it isn’t going to make them happier to hear it from you. The best thing you can do is take off your thinking cap, suck it up and join the group. There’ll be more than enough time to decide it was a bad (or great) idea the next morning. J (Special exceptions to be made for things that are illegal, immoral, or both with a high likelihood of being caught. For example, if the boys decide they’re all going to the rub and tug for happy endings, it might be okay to point out that this you are still a girl and that this idea doesn’t really work all that well for you. Any group of guys that overlooks this likely needs a reminder or a bop on the collective nose with a newspaper.)

Burgers For the Boys!

Remember when I said that food and drink held a special importance in the realm of male? Yeah, well, they do. Everyone definitely has their own favourite food or preferred place to eat, but males are quickly and easily able to compromise and agree upon the lowest common denominator (in this case, somewhere we can all bear to eat). In my experience, this might be anything, but it’s often meat with stuff on top of it between slices of bread (yup, submarine or burger, but Tacos could work in a pinch). With such a beautiful system in place, no guy wants the unexpected hiccup of pickiness, prissiness, or vegetarianism (we do care, just not enough to let it ruin the system). The truly Chill chick will sit down, “man” up, and deal with whatever the pack has decided is the best option. I once had a friend (no longer a friend) who truly didn’t get this. She was experimenting in being a vegetarian, and it led to the following things:

Long drives looking for places to eat

More sushi and salad than any reasonable man could take (and I LOVE sushi)

The realization that this wasn’t fun and friends can be replaced

A truly Chill girl eating out with the boys will consume just about anything, do a little better than that on the drinking front, not mention how this will make her so fat, and definitely not spend the entire meal complaining about how nothing is the way she wants it to be. Social eating etiquette 101 - go ask a dog about it. If you can master eating with the pack, you’re well on your way to being Chill.

Welcome to the Beach! Try not to act like sand…

If a group of guys welcomes you out with them to a magical place where they possibility exists for, ummm, night’s end “smushing”, this means that you’re more to them than just sand at the beach. With this in mind, the Chill chick wouldn’t dream of trivializing or jeopardizing this with any show of jealousy or negativity. Look at it this way, if you were really the right catch for any of the “him”s, why would he have gone back out fish? With this in your pocket, you’re free and open to be objective and impartial, offering valuable advice and tips (“oooh, she’s cute” OR “Yikes, its grenade central at 3 o’clock… recalibrate for 70 degrees northwest, there’s a drunk nest of slutty, low maintenance chicks”).

To close, the consummate Chill chick is not just a girl out with the guys, but a second viewpoint, an instruction manual, a cheat sheet and worth more than any single bar conquest. Chicks on the scene cum and go (or not), but chicks that are Mad Chill are welcomed into the pack as an equal. Have your fun, hunt your own wolves (or dogs, but hopefully not Chihuahuas) and know how awesome it can be if you only embrace your place in the amazing social world of… the pack.

One of the Guys Part III

I've almost exhausted this topic, but not quite. Since I asked so many people for advice on being a cool girl while partying with guys, I thought I'd share what one male friend had to say. Note the emphasis on the first two points.

§ Be funny

§ Be hot

§ Wear jeans, but dress well – dress better than the guys you hang out with

§ Dress for the occasion – look good but don’t over-dress (don’t wear 4 inch heels to a wings night)

§ Be down for doing “guy stuff”

§ Be assertive – don’t be afraid to suggest an activity

§ Don’t be afraid to go home or not join in on an activity (rather than complain)

So let me get this straight...I just need to...actually this is pretty clear. I think I know what I need to work on.

One of the Guys

How does a girl hang out with a group of guys and be cool, not wreck their night out, and maintain some element of girliness? This is the question that's been plaguing me (and everyone I know, thanks to me) for weeks.

I often find myself in the lucky situation where I'm the only girl out for a night on the town - no complaints here as it's usually with a group of fun, cute, platonic male friends. Some of my best nights have been when I've crashed guys' night out. I can drink with them, eat junk food like them and I love watching sports, which usually covers off the activities in a night out.

The biggest challenge is to be one of the guys while maintaining some semblance of femininity and hotness. Although I've never sought out feedback on my success with this, I think I do a pretty good job of being one of the guys.

In my opinion, the most important thing is getting ready quickly. Although this sounds like a small thing, this is especially important when it's an out-of-town adventure. The last thing I want is for five guys to be hanging out in the hotel lobby waiting for me to curl my hair, fuming because if it weren't for me they'd be on their second beer by now.

It's also important to 'be down for whatever'. Guys don't usually have a full plan for the night ahead, but I've come to realize that this randomness often makes for the best nights.

Finally, I try my best to avoid jealousy at all costs. After all I know we're just friends. When the guys are hitting on girls, I turn my attention to the other men in the room. Or I have been known to provide my two cents on the girls' outfits when asked.

It is always nice to get some male attention, so I do try my best to look good when choosing my outfits. After all I don't want to be mistaken for one of the guys!

I have enlisted the help of several friends as I tackle this question - watch for more to come on this topic!

Last-Minute Ditch

This is a bit long and rambling but totally worth it. Just when I was thinking there were so many great guys out there, one slipped up and showed his true colours!

On Saturday night I had plans to go for dinner with a random that I had met about a month ago. While I don't normally give out my number to semi-strangers, we had danced it up at a bar and he seemed like a nice guy (and I was just a bit tipsy) so I handed out my digits. The one 'date' we'd had so far was when the supposed gentleman drove me to the airport for my flight home at Christmas. Nice guy, right?

So early last week we made plans for our second date (first real date). Dinner on Saturday night. He called me Saturday afternoon to confirm our plans for around 7pm, when he was to pick me up. I didn't hear anything more from him and assuming he's a typical guy - "Hey, I'm heading out to get you, be ready in 10" - I get ready so as to avoid seeming like a high maintenance girl who isn't ready on time.

Apparently I was the only considerate one that night: I literally just get my dress on and he texts and says "Hey not feeling so good, going to pass tonight sorry". Three things about this annoy me:

1. He didn't have the decency to call me, even though all of our past communication had been on the phone
2. He sent the message at the time he was supposed to pick me up!
3. He made it sound like it's a perfectly valid reason to stand me up - "I'm going to pass?!". We're not talking about a 50-person party where his absence wouldn't be noticed!

I wasn't even upset - just flabbergasted. I think my jaw literally dropped. Since I wasn't that into him, rather than being upset I've spent the past few days thinking of reasons that he would bail. He obviously wasn't sick - no one gets that sick in a span of four hours! I'm thinking another girl he's dating entered the picture for the night or maybe an ex called him up. He may have realized that I was too cute and fun and young for him, and why even waste my time with a date? Yep...that's probably it.

I just wish I remembered his last name so I could warn girls everywhere...

Blanket Statement

Blankets can work wonders on stay-at-home dates. I am not sure what it is about a blanket, but being cozy beneath one just seems to invite snuggles and hand-holding.

Those early, nervous, let's-watch-a-movie dates are always awkward. And when you want to make a move but are unsure how the other person feels, it is a daunting task, no matter what your track record.

The fastest way to alleviate any awkwardness as well as actual physical distance between the two of you is to pull that blanket off the shelf and throw it over yourself. This will undoubtedly lead to the guy moving closer to "share the blanket". If he has any interest in you at all, he will want to share the blanket; even if he's not the slightest bit cold. It could be +35 inside and he would ask to share. Once you're sharing the blanket, it's almost as if you have to snuggle - it would be wrong to do anything else.

So guys - take note - when a girl asks for a blanket, she is cold but she`s probably also hoping to close the two foot gap between you.

Calling It A Night

I always stay out too late. I've written about this in regards to partying too late and ending up in bad news bears snuggles. But today I refer to dates that continue on too long.

I can have a fun time with almost anyone for an hour or two. Past that things usually either begin dragging on or getting annoying. When you think about it, spending 3+ hours with a near-stranger is pretty crazy.

This is a timeline of me on a typical date:

Hour one: Friendly, fun, cute

Hour two: Flirty, interesting, witty

Past the two hour mark: Borderline-sloppy drunk, while simultaneously craving being home alone on the couch without having to listen to this guy natter on.

While it's fun to get to know someone new and have a few drinks, calling it a night after a couple hours is usually the best idea.

Busy Signal

How busy is too busy? If he wants to hang out this weekend and I'm already solidly booked, I'm going to have to say no. There's a point where he should have just made plans earlier, but right now, even every night next week is busy. I know I will appear unavailable and uninterested if i say I can't hang out, but the alternative is worse. I don't want to have a super open calendar, just waiting for someone to come along and fill it up.

As we've grown up we've been told to build our own lives and not to wait for a man. It's respected to be independent, busy and motivated. I've mastered these things - I love my life and have many wonderful people and fun activities to fill my time with. However, when it comes to new guys, I don't want to appear a) un-interested or b) like an uber-organized over-achiever who has no room or want for fun. I guess if it's that important to me to hang out with the guy, maybe I'll have to postpone another activity so I can squeeze in a date next week.