Calling It A Night

I always stay out too late. I've written about this in regards to partying too late and ending up in bad news bears snuggles. But today I refer to dates that continue on too long.

I can have a fun time with almost anyone for an hour or two. Past that things usually either begin dragging on or getting annoying. When you think about it, spending 3+ hours with a near-stranger is pretty crazy.

This is a timeline of me on a typical date:

Hour one: Friendly, fun, cute

Hour two: Flirty, interesting, witty

Past the two hour mark: Borderline-sloppy drunk, while simultaneously craving being home alone on the couch without having to listen to this guy natter on.

While it's fun to get to know someone new and have a few drinks, calling it a night after a couple hours is usually the best idea.

Busy Signal

How busy is too busy? If he wants to hang out this weekend and I'm already solidly booked, I'm going to have to say no. There's a point where he should have just made plans earlier, but right now, even every night next week is busy. I know I will appear unavailable and uninterested if i say I can't hang out, but the alternative is worse. I don't want to have a super open calendar, just waiting for someone to come along and fill it up.

As we've grown up we've been told to build our own lives and not to wait for a man. It's respected to be independent, busy and motivated. I've mastered these things - I love my life and have many wonderful people and fun activities to fill my time with. However, when it comes to new guys, I don't want to appear a) un-interested or b) like an uber-organized over-achiever who has no room or want for fun. I guess if it's that important to me to hang out with the guy, maybe I'll have to postpone another activity so I can squeeze in a date next week.

Big Talker

Everyone likes to brag and tell stories. Often guys talk big about how much they can drink or the crazy parties they used to throw, other times it's about all the girls who adore them. If you repeatedly reference how 'bad' you are and all the 'bad' things you've been up to, I start to believe you're lying. Think about it - who openly admits to doing shameful things? Most people try to keep that kind of behaviour under wraps!

When you make reference to shady behaviour in a public forum I almost feel bad for you, like you're just trying to hard. I know some of the biggest partiers and most successful 'players' around - and rather than bragging about their debauchery they're working hard to play the role of innocent sweetheart.

Waiting, Doubting

I have learned the lessons of He's Just Not That Into You, and I understand that if a guy really likes you, he'll make the effort to find you and ask you out. Even though I'm well-versed in this area, I've always found it tough to sit around waiting for a guy to make a move, and especially to trust that a guy will make a move. I guess I don't give them, or myself, enough credit, but I often feel like nothing will come of a first encounter unless I take charge of the situation.
Many women believe that taking things into their own hands is the right way to approach dating. Unfortunately, being the first to call or message a guy means you are putting yourself out there, and then leaving the ball in their court. Once that first message is left hanging in the air between you, there's not much else you can do without seeming a desperate stalker. Although I convince myself it's best to be proactive in dating, I end up being much more doubtful of myself after getting no return message. I would have been better off risking my chances and waiting for them to reach out. At least then I could have convinced myself that I was impossible to track down.

Is This Your Stop?

Nearly every day this winter I've seen at least one attractive young guy while riding the subway in the morning. I have wanted to approach them - not always for me but maybe for one of my friends - but I'm not sure how. I've made eye contact over a few stops but let's be honest - someone has to be pretty brave to approach a stranger on a crowded subway. Not to mention that every stop brings the possibility that your crush is going to get off: it's not like we all wear signs announcing that we're exiting at St. Andrew's so they only have two stops left to make a move!
I've come up with a few possible ways to break the ice or initiate a conversation but I'm not sure I'll be trying any of them out soon.

• Accidentally fall into them when there's an abrupt stop
• Sit beside them and ask them to hold something for a moment as you kerfuffle with your giant purse
• If you exit the train at the same time, strike up a conversation as you're exiting the station
• Make fun of someone else on the train. I know that's not very friendly, but there are always an array of amusing people and rolling your eyes with someone can be a bonding experience!

My last resort is making up cards that say "you're hot, come to my mixer next month" so I better come up with some better conversation starters, stat!

Chat Room

Speaking with someone for hours on end, whether in person or online, allows you to really get to know them. Someone who is witty, funny and seems interested is so attractive, they'd catch my attention even without knowing what they look like. It's amazing that some people can make me want to chat forever - just by asking questions, replying promptly, and making me feel pretty (without seeming sleazy) I end up going to bed an hour later than planned.

I guess this is the benefit of online dating - it gives people a chance to get to know each other without all the focus being on the so-called chemistry or physical attraction. What I've discovered is the benefit of meeting someone through an alternate online channel: they're not necessarily out there with the sole purpose of meeting a girlfriend, hook-up or date. Having a chance to innocently chat online, be it via Facebook or email, allows people to have a regular conversation or make a new friend.

It's not every day I meet someone who can keep up with my comments and who can make me literally LOL. Technology and various chat platforms make it especially difficult to show your sarcastic side without appearing as a plain old rude girl, so when a guy 'gets' me it really counts for a lot.

Even if he's not my usual kind of guy, maybe it's worth seeing if the chemistry translates to real life.

Relationship Hangover

After my latest break-up I felt relief, excitement and the feeling that comes with knowing you did the right thing, even if it wasn't the easiest thing. Now, months later, the sadness is creeping back in. I knew this would happen, but it still stings.
While everyone was nicely concerned about me in the weeks that followed, I felt, for the most part, perfectly fine. But a few weeks passed and reality sunk in. The seemingly endless list of available guys I know or could meet has shrunken, my body is tired from wearing 4 inch heels on every outing, and my cheeks hurt from flashing my best smile at every guy I pass on the street.
The more important thing is that it was the right decision, and I know that we all have to go through some tough times every now and then. But the initial high of being free and having my own life back was the equivalent of 1am at my favourite bar, 5 drinks in, and now I'm experiencing 9:30am the next day. The relationship hangover. Sometimes a reliable, quiet, alcohol-free night is the way to go after all.