She's just not that into you

Girls are always taught to watch for the signs that a guy is not that into us. It takes only minutes for us to tell our friends "ugh drop him, he didn't return your call, he's not worth your time". A guy ditches plans last minute and we question why we're with them. If a guy I'm dating won't come out to support one of my charity events it's a huge strike against them.
When we have friends who exhibit the same behaviors, we are somehow so ultra forgiving. Obviously we all accept our loved ones and their flaws, and I will be the first to admit I haven't been the best buddy as of late. But when I look back on the recent weeks with a few friends, it's a string of me contacting them, sometimes getting a response, often not. Never have they reached out to say hello or invite me for a coffee date. Group outings have happened and I'm not invited. Short of banging on their door and forcing my way in, I don't foresee seeing them in 2012 as I can't seem to book even 15 minutes in their busy schedules.
If I told a friend these facts about a guy I would be instructed to break-up immediately. So why am I chasing after these friends? Sure friends are super important in our lives, but I'll choose to use my time, energy and heart on friends who ARE that into me.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thank G for Her Sense of Humour

I haven't blogged for some time, and recently I've had a few requests to get over the fact that I'm in love and resume writing about the ups and downs of dating.

So what better way to (re)start than to share a story from a friend, who we'll refer to as Rita. This is copy and pasted from our chat this afternoon, so you can feel like you're right in the conversation.

For her sake and mine, I'm very thankful that Rita has a great sense of humour, or this story would have undoubtedly ended in (sad) tears.

Rita:
i met up with this guy... it was a set up
he was late
wearing a bill cosby-style sweater
and not in a fun ironic way
then he got terrible heartburn or something and kept burping and had to run to the store to buy tums
lol
it was brutal
he was also totally unimpressed that i didn't own a car
oh
and the best part was when

Dani:
WHATTTTTTTTT
AMAZING
Very different if the sweater wasn't worn in the "the ironic way"

Rita:
he bascially told me that he frequents strip clubs
hahahaha
amazing
and sooo awful

Dani:
this guy...did he follow you home after and look into your windows?
like seriously creepy
and who the eff set you up with him?!!

So Rita goes on to say that no, he did not follow her home (she's safe) and he did not try to contact her again. Which saves her the unenjoyable task of punching the friend who set them up!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

If you really...

In my opinion, if you really liked someone you wouldn't be tempted to meet up with someone else late at night.
Even if you're meeting someone as a friend, you wouldn't want to exchange numbers if you were as into your BF as you proclaim to be.
For me, the true sign that I am really serious about someone is when I tell a new guy that I have a BF, unprompted. That's when I know that even though this move means I'll probably never see this new guy again, I'm ok with that because my BF is so great.

Passion Partay

Last night I finally hosted my first Passion Party. My friend Lesley is a wonderful Passion Consultant, and she explained and demo'd everything from grooming products, sensual massage creams and warming lubricants, then finally onto the big players - sex toys.

There was a lot of giggling but to my surprise very little embarrassment. I suppose it's a result of Lesley's open, friendly, knowledgeable demeanor, plus the super cool group of girls who attended. Girls called out questions and shared stories on everything from their "size", their preferences and what products they're currently enjoying in their bedroom. The group was an even mix between single and paired-off women, and I think everyone found it informative, exciting, helpful and fun. While I was concerned that it might not be a very profitable night for the Consultant, many people purchased items and most openly discussed what they bought (usually purchases are made in a private area).

I had a great turn-out for my party, and thank you to my friends whose purchases lead to a great deal on the products I purchased! What I expected to be a bit of a joke, and possibly lewd or uncomfortable, turned out to be a great way to spend a Friday night with wine, friends and girl talk.

I definitely encourage other women to host their own party! Now I just wonder if all my friends will be exponentially happier and more relaxed in two-three weeks when our deliveries arrive.

The Secret Stage

There is usually a period early in pregnancy when people don't tell anyone but immediate family or close friends of their big news. This totally makes sense, and often saves the couple additional difficulty if faced with a bad outcome in the first few months.

It would make things so much easier if relationships had the same 'secret stage' early on. How many relationships last a month or two and fall apart, for simple reasons? After all, dating someone for a month does not mean that you know him very well. He's essentially still a stranger, albeit one who has probably seen you naked.

By telling everyone you know about your new boyfriend after a couple weeks, you're making it very difficult on yourself should things not work out. It's difficult to hold things in - after all the earliest months are so exciting and giddy, you feel like shouting from rooftops. However, by sharing the news with everyone from your 3rd cousin to your cubicle neighbour, what should be a fairly easy break-up (if there is such a thing) turns into a challenging time where you have to explain the situation and your relationship failures to everyone who asks how your new boyfriend is doing.

I'm not saying it needs to be a complete secret, but maybe hold off on co-hosting get-togethers with friends, booking vacations and introducing him to extended family before you have solidified the relationship past 3 weeks.

An Apology Letter

Dear friends, co-workers and acquaintances,

I'm sorry if I've appeared to zone out while you're talking to me. If I missed that last instruction at work or left early from last week's party, I apologize. I didn't join you at a club this past week and I'm sorry if I change the topic of conversation every 5 minutes. My head is not in the game and I'm sure you can tell.

When it looks like I'm daydreaming, I am. When it seems like my mind is wandering and it sounds like I have a one-track mind, it's because it is, and I do. I'm smitten and I'm not quite sure what to do about it.

All the reasonable parts of me are saying "Get yourself together, lady! You have responsibilities, awesome friends, a good job and many hobbies that you love doing."

Unfortunately it's as if the more emotional part of me is screaming while the reasonable side is whispering. Guess which side wins?

I'm smitten and I'm loving all the wonderful things that go with a new relationship. I know I know... it's important to be independent and have your own life and friends. I'm not dismissing that at all, and it's my most popular piece of advice to others. But please give me a short vacay from responsibilities and forgive me for my googley-eyedness.

I don't blame you if you dislike this version of me - I kind of hate me too.

Love from,
Dani

Absence...Does it Make the Heart Grow Fonder?

Does absence make the heart grow fonder? Or is the saying "out of sight, out of mind" more accurate?

Sometimes a self-imposed break is a good thing. While you are used to spending a lot of time with a guy, a trip or busy period at work forces you to spend some time apart. Hopefully with this, he will realize how boring life is without you and the nights at home or out on the town are just not quite as fun without you by his side. He'll quickly understand that his bed isn't as cozy and he'll miss the daily chats.

Unfortunately though, sometimes by not being there and being top of mind, you're risking that he'll forget you. Maybe you have only been together a short while so life just returns to normal as you step on the plane. Maybe there are other girls in his life that seem attractive now that you're not front and centre.

If things are meant to be and you have a strong connection, even if it's early on in the relationship, an absence can make things stronger between you.

I know that I should not have to force myself into someone's life or continually fight for his attention, so I will keep going on trips and spending time apart from whoever I'm dating. If this proves to be an "out of sight, out of mind" situation, then I obviously wasn't that important to him in the first place.